Tag Archives: Truth

My Final Frontier: October 25, 2009

Well,

I haven’t changed any of my eating habits, per se, I am trying to eat more fruit and veggies, and thanks to my roommate, that is easier, because she is willing to help me with it.   I did start working out once I got back from my vacation as i was already on a roll – I don’t have stairs at my place but where I was staying back east (Ontario, where I’m originally from) at my mom’s and at my sister’s, they have full stairs – upstairs and down so I ended up in better shape when I got back from vacation than when I left.  So i thought i’d try and keep up the momentum.

My roommate has a little stepper that she uses to work out with and has very kindly allowed me its use (along with the exercise DVD) and while I haven’t put a lot of thought into what I’m going to do for a regular exercise regime, I do know that while I like working out, I don’t really like gyms (unless there is a pool) and i do like walking. So, no firm plans yet but I worked out on Wednesday and Friday for about 20 minutes adn walked today for about 30 minutes.  In my mind, this is all good.

What I didn’t anticipate in this whole process, and totally forgot about and frankly decided to ignore and tell it to go back to work . . . is my left knee.

Yes, my left knee.  I had it scoped 3 times in the space of 10 years, i think, the last time was 5 years ago.  I think.  Yes, 5 years ago.  The last time i had it fixed, they told me the next time would probably be an ACL replacement (ligament reconstruction).  Not something I’m really keen on, frankly, I’ve heard the stories.  However, in the last few months (year?), I’ve noticed that as I’ve changed my way of thinking around to being more positive, and letting go of all my old habits (still working on that one) that my knee has been making itself heard – literally.  When i bend it, it sounds like little ball bearings all scraping together.  And, since I started working out again, it’s started slipping again – the knee, or cap, has been slipping and jerking and catching and causing a great deal of pain.

So, I need to tap on this – do my EFT thing for it so I can heal it but I’m not sure exactly what it was that was going on.  So, I pulled out my trusty Louise Hay “You Can Heal Your Life” graphic version reference to injuries and illnesses and their causes and lo and behold . . . what does the knee represent you ask, perhaps with doubt in your voice . . .

Well, it’s a multileveled answer:

Joints represent our ability to move forward and knees are about pride and ego and knee problems are about inflexibility, fear, stubbornly holding on to the old crap. Ha.  Ha!

I am ashamed and my ego is taking a hit, as is my pride.  First of all that I couldn’t do this or figure this out myself, or motivate myself. I am an intelligent human being and I’ve put off for years what any logical and intelligent person would have addressed years ago.

Well, thank god for emotions.  I am, as are we all, an emotional being. 

So,  I “knee”d to get over myself and forgive myself for being human.  Geez. I’m sure I”m the only one who has this issue too.  LOL

With love and light

Jenn

Q&C: wyldvynes@gmail.com

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My Final Frontier

I love Star Trek.  I remember watching it on Sunday mornings in the early 70’s on the days that I didn’t have to actually go to church – which wasn’t often.  I was always excited to see what new life and new civilizations (or lack of civilization) they would find.  I have also always wanted to go to Space.  When I was younger, I studied to become a pilot and decided to be come a medical doctor because there was a woman going into space who was a medical doctor – sometime in the first half of the 80’s.  I don’t remember her name but she did leave an impression, to be sure.  Soon, though my hopes of going in to Space were dashed:

 A)  I had lousy eyesight so couldn’t be a jet pilot;  and

 B) I was terrible at math (especially calculus) and for some reason you need that to become a doctor and, I expect, an astronaut.

As I grow older, I realize that it wasn’t seeing what else was out there in space that appealed, per se,  but it was the lack of boundaries that it seemed to advertise. Not the “civilized” lack of boundaries, necessarily, like manners and politeness and honour, and saving the world, etc;  I have all of those qualities and as I go off into “no boundaries” land some of them are still of use – maybe even all of them – politeness might go by the wayside . . . and manners, too, hmmm . . . let me explain . . .

My final frontier is my health, and more specifically, my weight.   I’m tall and built like a brick s*** house so I can carry it off – I’m definitely big – no question there but I’m definitely carrying a few more pounds than is considered healthy, although, all things considered, my health isn’t too bad.  In fact, it’s a miracle I haven’t got diabetes yet, but there’s always tomorrow but that’s not my goal.

And, now, thanks to a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless (and this is where the manners and politeness might go by the wayside which I’m sure she’ll understand and lmao about),  challenged me on September 20, 2009, over breakfast at one of our fave breakfast joints.  She challenged me to lose weight . . . using EFT.  I had one year, from that date.

Now this is a double edged sword, my friend.  The truth is about any weight loss program, you have to at some point examine your motivation, your habits and frankly, I think, your issues around weight, food, not excercising, respect and love for yourself, etc.  I have tried a few different programs, and seen many more, and although they may be successful initially, there is always the maintenance part of the program which is where you start looking at changing your habits, yada, yada, to make sure you don’t gain back any of the weight. 

And this is where EFT comes in. My theory is (and maybe I live in fantasy land) is that if I can clear all of my old habits and “stuff” then when I do lose weight, it will be both easier to do and easier to maintain.  I”m coming at it from a maintenance perspective first I guess.  Regardless of what I do with the tapping though, I still have to watch my food intake and get active.  The EFT will help keep me motivated to keep going. 

At least, that’s the plan. So, in losing weight, something my friend works at regularly (bless her – I don’t like running), and doing so using EFT, gives me, and hopefully her, and anyone else reading, double benefits:

I lose weight, I clear up all sorts of long term issues about that weight (and probably all sorts of other things) and I prove to my friend that I’m not a total crackpot when it comes to energy work.  WIN-WIN.  So, I have to say, the whole, trying to make her eat crow is a major part of the motivation here but the side benefits are going to be (and are already proving to be) awesome.  She does know me.

So, as we go along, I’ll do some updates for you and feel free to join me in doing EFT for any of your stuff.

With love and light,

Jenn

 

NOTES:

EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique, www.emofree.com

They suggest on the website that you try it on anything.  They have free manuals that you can download and print off for you to learn how to do it for yourself and you can search thousands of articles.  I’ve even tried tapping on my car- try it – it never hurts.

Any Qs or Cs? Please contact me at wyldvynes@gmail.com

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The Odyssey

There is something freeing and life defining, or releasing, about getting your hair done.  And I do mean done, not just cut, or washed, or trimmed, or having your colour touched up (although that washing sure is lovely). By done, I mean re-designed.  And it doesn’t have to be majorly radical but it might be highlights in a different colour or using a completely different colour altogether, or the classic – actually cutting your hair! And I don’t imagine it’s just women who feel that way;  I imagine men feel that way too sometimes, although it may not be about a haircut.

I realized this the other day when I was sitting at work waiting to go and get my hair done.  My hair has been pretty low maintenance the last few years – home colour and trims as it was long with perm in it and I didn’t need to do much but trim out the perm as I cut it shorter.  But I also hadn’t made that much effort to find a new stylist as my old hair stylist who, for 6 or 7 years, knew me and my hair very well, left the province a few years ago (which sucked but I understood).   Her move sort of started the whole growing out process and frankly the move into the lowest maintenance hair I could get.

But I decided, partly in anticipation of summer, partly out of boredom, partly out of annoyance about my roots showing and not wanting to colour it again myself, that I need to get my hair done.  I was also thinking I would just do a trim on my hair, maybe add a few layers but nothing major.  And I’ve been known for major hair changes in the past.

All day though, as I waited until 245, I was kinda down.  It felt like something was ending and I was feeling kind of sad about it. Rather sentimental, I suppose, and frankly , very nervous as I’d never been to this particular before (although she came highly recommended) as I was having something major done (layers cut in, at least, and this too can go badly, believe me).  However, luckily, the ladies I was working with distracted me a bit near the end so it came quickly without too many nerves;  I even entered the chopping block a titch late.

So, after this and that, 2 hours later, there I was looking at myself in the mirror.  The stylist had reassured me when I initially went in as she told me she had been thinking about my colour the night before and what we should do.  So, there I was, done.  The hair was red, the shape was similar to what I had had, there were millions of layers in it, the style was funky and hip, and I thought, I’m back.

So, what did I discover through my hair odyssey?  I have high maintenance hair.  And the funky bright sytle and colour are actually a refelction of me, as well.  And although I really like low maintenance hair (a subjective classificaiton, belive me)  I suppose it’s also a reflection that I believe am worth the work and that I do deserve to look good. Translation, I deserve good things and am worthy of them as well.

So, kids, what do you need to do to remind you that you’re worth it and that you deserve all the good things the universe has to offer?

With love and light,

Jenn

C’s or Q’s?  Email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca

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Fearless Inventory reveals Safety Girl

Have you ever heard the term “fearless inventory”? And no, I’m not talking about counting all those dust and cobweb-covered (ooh, the spiders!) cans in the back corner. It’s a term that has floated around for a while with different programs out there and it’s really both interesting and not a little unsettling.

As I recall, taking a “fearless inventory” means looking at all of your “stuff”, both your light “stuff” and your dark “stuff” (but mostly your dark “stuff”) without blinders on, without fooling yourself about it but also without judging yourself for it. It means looking at all that stuff and either fixing it or making reparations for it, then accepting it and making the effort and the commitment to not do it again and to move on and learn from it. It’s unsettling because it means admitting to yourself and sometimes others that you were wrong in your behaviour, in your belief and maybe even your boundaries. It may also mean looking at other events that occurred in your life that are painful and confusing and in looking at the boundaries that arose from those events. So, unsettling could be putting it mildly.

Taking this inventory, maybe not entirely, but certainly regarding some of my behaviours that I have been recently wallowing in, is what I’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been looking at them (my behaviours and habits) and looking at what I can do to make reparation for them and in the effort, grow as a person. This also has the added benefit of working towards making myself a clearer vessel both to channel energy for healing and readings but also to channel more positive things for myself (like a regular income) and to others. And i can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I can see changes in my behaviour and how things affect me but growth is an ever upward-spiraling event so we address different aspects of the same things over and over again, clearing our vibrational levels as we go through each experience again, and again. So, there is growth and change and it is sometimes faster than other times but it does happen even if we can’t seem to see movement – so again, back to unsettling, and so it should be. But there is growth and while you may not always be able to see it, others will and eventually you’ll feel the difference inside you when you make a decision about something and it’s a different decision that what you would have done before. This is redefining your boundaries and it comes from taking this “fearless inventory”.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to talk about boundaries but sometimes it’s very difficult to figure out your own and to figure out when you need to set some and release others.

The stuff that I have been most recently trying to figure out is about why I’m so territorial, why other peoples’ noise bothers me so much, why the little things get to me, why I remember almost every slight ever done to me and why people on this earth are here to torment me (only slightly egocentric), or more specifically, what lesson is it that I am to learn from these experiences? As a “cancer” in the astrological show, my tendencies include being oversensitive and living in the past. So, we’re back to overcoming my nature and I’ve been trying to look at it objectively, being honest about it but not beating myself up about it (tapping (EFT) has been helping a lot here).

And I think I’ve figured it out, finally. At least, for me.

Those things, territoriality, annoyed by little things, they are about safety. It’s about having boundaries in a physical way (rules) when you don’t trust that you have the strength, or more likely, courage, to address those boundary issues at the time they actually arise. And in the past, I was not able to address some boundary issues so I suppose it makes sense. I was too shy, too embarrassed, too ashamed, etc, to speak to anyone about things or as I got older, but not necessarily calmer, I was too abrupt and rude about it because I was scared silly of saying anything at all so when I finally got the guts to say anything, I was so angry about it that I was out of control. And those rules seem to be pretty important to me. However, I’m trying to overcome those tendencies. Sometimes those rules can get pretty specific (kind of like French Grammar – like this but only for 3 things, and the rest of the time it’s like this) and are sometimes pretty random, as my roommate will certainly attest to.

But the other thought that comes with this business about boundaries and safety is that if we are working to live a more authentic life, to live more in tune with the Higher Self, more in tune with that part of us not affected by the human condition, then shouldn’t we be letting go of those things? Shouldn’t we be letting go of that need for safety? When it boils down to it, does the soul actually need safety? Does the soul really need boundaries?

I don’t think it does. I think the soul is perfectly safe, despite dire threats to the contrary by so many groups out there. Granted, it is bound to the human body (no offense to non-humans here) but I don’t think it needs the extra boundaries. It’s the human ego and the human condition that needs them. The soul just needs to remember what it is.

Supposedly, the lives we live here are ones of learning, of illusion, as some put it, and not of actual “reality” (let’s not get to existential right now). The reality is that the soul is completely connected to Source, and is a piece of the Divine, of Source and safety is a human condition construct, just as is our experience here, on this earth. So, as part of Source, can the soul be damaged? Can Source be damaged?

In the bigger picture, no, I don’t think Source can be damaged. Can you hurt God? Can you hurt the Universal Energy, the Universal Love, that only loves and accepts unconditionally?

Are boundaries necessary, though? As humans, oh, yes, I think so. It’s kind of a mixed bag though, isn’t it? On one hand, do we need to have boundaries if we are all a part of Source, but we are taught, and I think rightly so, that boundaries are necessary for self-respect, and other things. But are those boundaries actually helping us to get clearer? To get closer to the Divine? In deciding to say no to something we don’t want to do, then that really is a step towards the Divine because we are trying to be happier and more at peace, the path to becoming more compassionate, and more of a divine vessel for light and love.

So, in setting boundaries, we set ourselves up to either be happy, or to be miserable and safe. I suppose the trick is to know the difference. And now we’re back to safety. Sometimes, I guess, since there is no way around having experiences where all of our boundaries may be tested, then we have to set the intent for ourselves that we set the boundaries that are the best for us and then hope for the best. And well, I suppose the truth is that the best is what each of us will get anyway, no matter how we go forward or what decisions we make – they are all the right choices.

I do work under the assumption that reality, as defined by books (I don’t know physics here, so I’m going with the simple definitions), is what you make of it. That each of us is a part of a larger piece and that piece, the soul, as we call it, chooses the life it wants to lead before it comes to this plane of existence, to Earth. And, as neutral beings of love (Universal Love Source Energy), then all manner of lifestyle and choice is a choice of love, a choice made without fear, without boundaries, for the experience. The boundaries come after we get here. So, in growth, we need to re-evaluate those boundaries on a regular basis and expand our definition of safety, or narrow it, depending on your outlook.

With Love and Light,
Jenn

Questions, comments? Email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca.

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Finding Your Truth: Accepting & Living it

I just posted about Finding your Truth (Jan 18/09) and in there I stated there are several aspects of getting to the living of your truth, of living an authentic life (Jan 5/09) including finding your truth, getting to your truth, accepting your truth and living your truth.

We mostly covered finding your truth and I listed some tools on how to do that.  Getting to it is sometimes a bit harder but those questions, what did you like as a kid, what comes naturally to you, what did you dream about, what would you do if you were guaranteed success, are pretty good to use to suss out what your turht is. And in retrospect, I think that part of one’s truth is just being happy. I’ll come back to that though.

Accepting your truth and living your truth are what we’re going to look at here. I’m no expert, as I’ve not done this for a lot of people, but I am trying to do it now for myself.  So that just makes me a reporter from the front line.

So, assuming you’ve done your questionnaire of life, how do you accept what it is you’ve discovered? Well, sometimes it’s easy, you just say, hey that’s right, those things do make me happy,  and start incorporating those things into your life and you may even move straight to living your truth and making a living out of it. But is the end goal of finding your truth mean making a living at it too? Is it your path? Not necessarily.

As a healer, I feel a calling towards doing that as much as possible but I also enjoy some of the more mundane things in life like layout design and administration and such (yeah, I’m a kicker, aren’t I) so I want to incorporate into my life as many things as I like to do. I’m personally heading for the whole package deal – trying to get a healing practice up and running – but there are other things I want to do as well with that. I have a lot of different interests that can be addressed, probably most easily with volunteer work, but at this point, I’m worrying about the equally mundane things such as paying the bills. So, I need to find a balance between doing my calling, or living my truth, and probably an everyday kind of job that can help to pay the bills a little more consistently than what I’ve got going on now.

The other thing about accepting your truth, is to not beat yourself up about it. One of the hardest things for me when I decided to quit my job was that I realized that I had spent 20 years trying to fit into someone else’s idea of a work utopia and putting other people, or more specifically, my idealized vision of those people on a pedestal (hello, parents, girlfriends, friends, boyfriends, bosses??).  Well, let it go and get over it.  You can put as many people on a pedestal as you want but eventually their humanity is going to disappoint you and that is your problem, not theirs.  The truth is that we are all human and somewhere along the way, we are going to be disappointed, or disappoint, because of our own expectations.

I’ve been really good at the pedestal thing;  I was always trying to put someone on a pedestal to use as a guide or a mentor. I think a lot of people are.  We just want someone we can look up to.   But I never found one and the truth is, there isn’t one.  Looking “up” at someone else means that you aren’t looking at yourself.  And the only person who should be on that pedestal is you because the only person you can compare yourself to and hold yourself accountable to is yourself.  Put the ideal you up there on that pedestal.  Yes, you’ll disappoint yourself sometimes (maybe) but your opinion of you is the only that counts. And trying to hold yourself accountable to Source doesn’t even matter because Source loves you no matter who you are or what you do 9yes, we have free will).  So, it’s only your own rules that you end up breaking, by believing, as they used to say, in false gods. And then you kick yourself again, in the end, because you ignored your instincts, and your happiness meter all those other times and stayed where you were and let someone else call be your ideal.

Well, now that you’ve toppled the pedestal, and are just looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering how you got lost, you can kick yourself for being so blind and put yourself down, or you can take what you’ve learned and help others around you see the lessons you’ve learned. Some will take that and some won’t. Most won’t. People generally want to learn things themselves and there is merit in that as it creates a sympathetic energy for that situation but take my word for it, kick yourself for 5 minutes, or if you really have to, a day, but then get over it. You are where you need to be. It takes time for truth and reality to percolate together and meet at the same place. For some it comes sooner than later. So, hug yourself, have your cry if you need to, then congratulate yourself for realizing that you’ve seen the light, and start moving toward incorporating your truth into your life and living it.

But do you have to make a career of your truth? No, I don’t think so. If you like your job but you want more happiness in your life, incorporate those things you like into your personal time.
if you want to make your truth your career, go for it. Make it work for you.
If you want to make your truth your career and you have no idea how to do it, well, welcome to my world.
First off, I wouldn’t suggest quitting your job unless you are really ready to, and I don’t mean financially. I quit with no net in place. I knew I’d get enough money from my job on leaving that would cover me for a month, but I really didn’t know how I was going to make ends meet; I just needed to get out. Just a thought though, don’t leave it that long. It’s a miserable process to paint yourself into a corner and have to get out screaming, so to speak.
Start looking around and see who else is doing what you want to do. And don’t worry about competition, just focus on 100% success, remember? I’ll talk about competition another time though.

So, to recap, accept your truth, and be grateful for the recognition of it. If you’ve been wandering around feeling that you were in that weird desert twilight zone place, thank the gods, or Source, that you’ve found the door out. Walk towards the door. Open it and step through to the light. Be grateful; did I say that already? It’s true. Be grateful for all that you do have and don’t bemoan what you don’t have. This will really help to get things moving forward rather than the whole kicking yourself thing (it gets painful and leaves bruises).

Then start bringing in those things that you love to do. See what else is out there, how can you bring yoru truth into your life and start by doing it a little bit each day. Start with once a week. Ideally, you want to be doing something that makes you happy all the time. And happy doesn’t always mean right now. There may be other underlying needs that factor into your happiness (regular paycheck, that one TV show that makes you laufh all the time, that person who is only around once in a while, sitting on the beach).
You don’t have to jump off the cliff right away; it’s not going anywhere. Do some planning, do some compromise if you need to, but get some happy in there.

With love and light,
Jenn

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Finding your Truth

A friend of mine made a comment about how now she just had to find her truth, after reading my posting on Living an Authentic Life (Jan 5/09) and then we later discussed it after I posted last week about Truth, Lies and Procrastination. I’m no expert but I am trying to follow my truth so if this helps you at all, then, fantastic.

When I first started this path of trying to find my truth and live it, it wasn’t that I didn’t have a clue at all about it. I did have some idea of what I liked and didn’t like (mostly didn’t like). I’d been doing healing for 6 years and knew that it was my path, and had also been doing readings for most of that time as well. I had tried other things over the years that hadn’t been quite right for me but that had interested me; mediation was one of the things that I tried and still strongly believe in. I even did it for a while with small claims court but got thrown off because I was unsuccessful (i.e. didn’t get the situations resolved) and felt that I was getting too involved in the parties’ issues and in their sheer stubbornness to even see the other person’s side or consider anything but their own view; I wasn’t quite neutral enough.

But I’ve also noticed that while I enjoyed doing whatever activity it was once I was actually doing it, whether doing a healing, a reading, writing or even cleaning the house, that I dreaded getting to it. I hated the work up or the lead up to the point of impact, so to speak. I hated that I had to drive somewhere and that I had to look nice and professional and that I couldn’t just be at home wrapped up in a good book. I still feel that way most of the time about the things I really like to do. But those feeling have nothing to do with the activity itself. The dread comes because I have to get out of my rut and put myself out there and be my truth, not just talk about it. As many of my friends (and not friends) know, I’m good with the talk. But the truth is, not matter how much truth you may know and be able to talk about, unless you’re living it, it’s not really true, is it? It’s just procrastination; where did I leave that crown?? (ref. Truth, Lies & Procrastination, Jan 15/09)

So there are several aspects here to look at: finding your truth, getting to your truth, accepting your truth, and living your truth. Let us start with the finding.

How did I find my truth, my bliss, my passions, you ask? Well, like most people, I would guess, by eliminating the things I didn’t like, to start with, but that isn’t really the best way to go at it. You’re approaching your truth, your joy, with negativity: what don’t I like about this situation and not what do I like about this. It’s a useful tool, don’t knock it, but look at what you do like too.

Now that I’m doing some of what I like, and I feel that I am getting some satisfaction out of what I am trying to do, I can look back and realize that I sort of went about it backwards, finding the things that I didn’t like, as most of us do. I realized that the things that I most enjoy now are the things that I most enjoyed doing as a kid, or a teenager, before the realities of living kicked in.

I used to love writing in school. Stories mostly but I could craft a pretty good essay as well. In university I was downright brilliant after I’d had a pint of beer at the local Irish pub (and after a couple of good editing sessions) when it came to my papers. I often felt inspired in my writing, even without the beer. I certainly feel inspired now but still need to do the editing part which I don’t so much enjoy. But I believe in sending out a message, so believe the extra time is worth it.

I read a lot as a kid and I still do.  I love sci-fi/fantasy, mostly fantasy, and spent every free moment I could sucking up what books I could find and re-reading the ones I really enjoyed. I dreamed of saving the world, using magic, just like all the heroes did in the epic stories I read. But I do actually do magic now, or it seems that way, with the energy work. Moving energy works with the same principles as those magic users did in those fantasy novels. The basics of physics were the same in those stories – for everything there is balance, and if you take something from one place, you need to replace it. So too with energy – nothing is created or destroyed, it just changes shape and moves. And what Energy healing does certainly seems like magic to me sometimes. I confess, I love romances too and now there are even romance stories that combine the alternate reality and romance aspects in them. As for the romance in my life, well, I’m still working on that but I am definitely open to it.

My mom tells me I used to fix everything. My sister or brother would break their toys (my toys??) and then I’d patiently put them back together again. I always tried to be the peacemaker with friends at school and i think even sometimes between my brother and sister at home. I still do this. I can see both sides of an issue most of the time.  How does this translate now?  The healing certainly looks to be fixing things, if in a different way. And I did study mediation.

I enjoyed being active – I played hockey and soccer; I loved skating, skiing, biking, hiking, canoeing, swimming and dancing but somehow never find the time to do those things anymore.

I used to play in a school band (alto sax and later baritone) and played the piano for years, until I went to university (Ottawa U) that is. It was kind of difficult to get a piano into my dorm room and the walk was long and the effort extensive to book time in a piano room and eventually the realities of life (school work, job, social stuff, no extra cash to buy a piano, no extra room to put in a piano) led to my not playing the piano anymore. I’m kind of sad about it because the piano is what kept me sane through high school; it was my therapy. I could use some piano therapy on a regular basis these days and I am realizing how much I miss it but again, I’m letting the realities get in the way.

I was teaching classes (in meteorology, granted) by the time I was 16, with Air Cadets. I even went to school to be a teacher. I sucked as a teacher (hated trying to motivate thirty 8-year-olds at 8 am). But I’m looking at teaching and coaching now. And I do enjoy it, now. After teacher’s college (and a stress breakdown) it made me nauseous to even walk into a classroom, so this is a good thing. Still don’t want to teach thirty 8-year-olds but that takes a special kind of person that I will never be.

I used to want to be an astronaut and a doctor. I knew what being an astronaut meant (Star Trek, here I come!) but the doctor part  – well, my parents were aiming high for me. But as a doctor, I could fix people, and I could go into space too! (Back in the early 80s, Sally Ride was the first non-pilot and woman to get on as shuttle crew.)   But I think I’ve done more good as a healer in the last few years, than I would have as a doctor but I also don’t think I’d be where I am, happy and getting clearer and happier, if I’d been a practitioner of traditional medicine. Plus there’s that whole having to pass calculus, physics and chemistry thing (which I didn’t do, thank God!) and I don’t have $100,000 in debt. So, really, I’m way ahead of the game here, the almost 20 years of feeling lost between university and when I started doing healing work notwithstanding.

As you can see, we do what we love as kids but as soon as we have to pay the bills ourselves or life gets in the way, we lose touch with those things. I don’t have kids, or a family here, I just have to worry about myself so it must be even harder to try and make time for the things you love when you have the extra people to consider. And that’s not to say that children don’t bring joy. They do, but they are people too and keeping them happy is sometimes even tougher. But are the realities really in the way? Or do we just use them as an excuse for not going out of our way, and doing something that we’re afraid we may not be any good at any more? Yes. For most of us, we let the realities shape our happiness.

Are the realities real though? Of course they are. Believe me, I know. I’m looking at trying to pay rent out of thin air here but again, I don’t have to support anyone else and I am managing to pay the bills and stay caught up. But some realities are more flexible than others, like your time. Do you really need to watch that game on TV or that TV series? Sometimes the answer is yes, you do, because you need the release and the escape but sometimes the answer is no. And while being tired is also valid, doing something you love is energizing too.

But finding your truth adn getting to it? Be honest with yourself first of all, but what I also realized is that it is really simple to find your truth, and possibly the basics of your path in life. What did you like to do as a kid, or younger person? What did you dream about? It might even be about what you found really easy to do, or what came naturally to you, becaue usually we also really like what is easy for us. And this is an even better question: if you were guaranteed 100% success and no obstacles, what would you be doing? What activity would you be pursuing? Remember, it’s 100% guaranteed. What would you do? (Thanks to Gary Craig, www.emofree.com, for that one).

Whatever the answers are to those questions are your truth and most likely your path.  Think about it.  Do you think the universal Source of love would be so cruel as to make your path hard for you?  Not likely.  If it’s your path, I imagine it would be something easy and fun that you found natural to do.  The hard part is overcoming the fear and the ego and the beliefs we carry that things have to be a certain way.

So, go write down all those things that made you happy, that you seem to just do naturally, that you dreamed about, and may still dream about and figure out a way to bring them in to your life.  It might be difficult but it will be worth it.

As for the rest of it, accepting and living your truth?   Well, sometimes that’s a little harder to put into action but I’ll tackle that one later this week and give you my perspective on it.

With Love and Light,

Jenn

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Filed under Authentic, healing, love, procrastinate, Truth

Truth, Lies and Procrastination

All hail the Queen!! Yep, that’s me. I am the queen of Procrastination but luckily I usually have lots of company, don’t I? There are as many kingdoms of Procrastination to rule as there are people so each of us has our own little domain of avoidance and excuses.

Take this project for example. Six month ago I had no idea that I’d be trying to write articles or even considering trying to get paid for them (haven’t gotten there yet). However, when I did decide that I was going to start writing, it sort of came in spurts. At first I was going to write a story. I’m an admin temp and many of my jobs to date have been receptionist positions. This means that sometimes there is a lot of time for me to try and look busy, which I thought was perfect, because I could write during that time. Instead, I started reading Jane Austen online. Great site called The Literature Page. I would spend my time doing that in the afternoons after the daily stuff was done instead of writing my story and then I hatched the idea of starting a blog, and writing up my opinion on healing and some of the channelings I get from my guides. Seemed like an idea at the time. It took me a month to get a blog even started (November). Then it took me 2 weeks to write an intro. Then it took me another month to write an article, then another month to post in January about an authentic life, and then I just posted on Monday again. So, slowly I’m working up to posting regularly. I’m aiming for twice a week and I do want to start another blog about some of the stranger messages I get but haven’t gotten there yet, either. I figure I’m doing pretty well just by sitting my butt down and actually writing anything.

I do still want to write a story (have one started but am writing by hand) and look, I’m still managing to procrastinate!!! I’ve blabbered on about how I got here, not about the actual topic. So, to business…

Truth, lies and procrastination is about the truth we avoid, the lies we tell ourselves to avoid it and what we do in between: procrastinate.

We clean the house, or do the filing, or catch up on our reading or do dishes, etc to avoid what we’ve said we’ll do. My classic is to clean up my clutter, because then I can work better. True. But I’d probably work better if I just sat down, ignored what was going around me, and just wrote. Also true, as today proves. (My desk is a mess!)

Procrastination happens when we agree (by nature of showing up at work, or to ourselves) to take on a task and tell whomever (others, ourselves, our friends, etc) that we’ll do it and do it in a certain amount of time. It starts off pretty innocently: oh, I have to finish this project first, I have to clean the house, do the filing, catch up on the magazines, clean the garage, yada, yada, yada, and then we’re up against a wall and either we sit down and get it done (usually when motivated by external circumstances) or we don’t do it at all (usually when we’ve only made the commitment to ourselves, friends or family) or we do it so far down the road that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Either way, we lie about it. We paint ourselves into a corner because we don’t want to actually do the task that we agreed to do. We lie to ourselves, and to other people, but mostly to ourselves. And why? Well, this is where the truth comes in.

Truth is actually subjective . . . and absolute. The problem is, no one actually knows the absolute truth, unless a third detached party can make observations without judgment, read God, or Source. Truth is based on what we think we know, what we think we see and what we believe. Where truth, lies and procrastination meet is when we believe that we won’t succeed, or will succeed or in the success, something bad will come of it. Something like more work, too much attention, not enough attention, mocking laughter, disappointment the next time because you didn’t do it as well as the last, or that you can’t do it again, etc. These “truths” and lies are based on previous experience, either in this life, with past lives weighing it, or because that’s what someone whom we trusted told us it was true. And sometimes the person we trusted who told us the “truth” is ourselves. In fact, most of the time, it is ourselves from whom we receive those “truths” because our fear creates them or underlies them or emphasizes them; our fear of not being loved, of not being enough, or of being hurt.

And are they true? Sometimes, yes, they are. For example, gravity exists, but other times … it’s only true if we believe it is. We are only failures if we believe we are, not because someone else said we were. So, we lie, to make it less scary so we don’t have to go out on a limb and actually test the truth or throw our reality into chaos.

I don’t think I’m a bad writer. I think I have a style that won’t appeal to everyone but it took me over 20 years to come back to writing, something I loved to do as a young un’ and that I was good at whenever I did it. (Ok, if you think I’m bad, please don’t let me know right now). I wanted to be a writer for a living. And now, here I am. I’m not doing it full time, but I am writing and I love it, and hate it (there’s that procrastination bug), but mostly love it.

So why did I procrastinate? What are the lies I told myself? No one cares, it won’t make a difference, no one will ever read it (well, so far, true, as I haven’t told more than 5 people about the blog). What was the truth I was avoiding? No one wanted to hear my opinion, my thoughts, my view, my imagination, etc. . . . Well, maybe people don’t but I was charged with a greater purpose – I have a need to help save the world (I think I mentioned this previously) so this is one way for me to try – to help others with my own stories of how I get through, and frankly, I have a big mouth. But in procrastinating, I only hurt myself more. I let my fear control my life and I lied to myself, saying yes, I will do this today, then I didn’t do it today, or the next day, or the next, until a whole month or two went by. And are those fears still there? Well, yeah, I’m human aren’t I? The courage comes and the real, or the absolute Truth comes when you over come your fear and stand in the light of your joy and let your light shine.

And procrastination? Bah, I speet in zee face of procrastination . . . well, I’ll take it a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time and every time I get the urge to clean the bathroom instead of writing something, I’ll stop and look at myself (maybe even in an actual mirror, ‘cause I’m kinda cute) and look at my stuff, and say, why? Why am I avoiding doing what I really want to? And I will take a deep breath and look myself in those pretty blues and say, I’m not giving in to my fear. I’m going to let go of the outcome, and I’m going to do what I really enjoy doing and what will be, will be.

So, look at your truth, and the lies you tell yourself, and what is making you procrastinate. If you can’t find what you love, at least acknowledge what you don’t love. I’ll write up a few things that may help you to find the things you love. And don’t be so hard on yourself. You got this far, didn’t you?

With Love and Light,

Jenn

Comments?  Send me an email at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca

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Filed under healing, lies, procrastinate, Truth