Tag Archives: procrastinate

My Final Frontier: October 25, 2009

Well,

I haven’t changed any of my eating habits, per se, I am trying to eat more fruit and veggies, and thanks to my roommate, that is easier, because she is willing to help me with it.   I did start working out once I got back from my vacation as i was already on a roll – I don’t have stairs at my place but where I was staying back east (Ontario, where I’m originally from) at my mom’s and at my sister’s, they have full stairs – upstairs and down so I ended up in better shape when I got back from vacation than when I left.  So i thought i’d try and keep up the momentum.

My roommate has a little stepper that she uses to work out with and has very kindly allowed me its use (along with the exercise DVD) and while I haven’t put a lot of thought into what I’m going to do for a regular exercise regime, I do know that while I like working out, I don’t really like gyms (unless there is a pool) and i do like walking. So, no firm plans yet but I worked out on Wednesday and Friday for about 20 minutes adn walked today for about 30 minutes.  In my mind, this is all good.

What I didn’t anticipate in this whole process, and totally forgot about and frankly decided to ignore and tell it to go back to work . . . is my left knee.

Yes, my left knee.  I had it scoped 3 times in the space of 10 years, i think, the last time was 5 years ago.  I think.  Yes, 5 years ago.  The last time i had it fixed, they told me the next time would probably be an ACL replacement (ligament reconstruction).  Not something I’m really keen on, frankly, I’ve heard the stories.  However, in the last few months (year?), I’ve noticed that as I’ve changed my way of thinking around to being more positive, and letting go of all my old habits (still working on that one) that my knee has been making itself heard – literally.  When i bend it, it sounds like little ball bearings all scraping together.  And, since I started working out again, it’s started slipping again – the knee, or cap, has been slipping and jerking and catching and causing a great deal of pain.

So, I need to tap on this – do my EFT thing for it so I can heal it but I’m not sure exactly what it was that was going on.  So, I pulled out my trusty Louise Hay “You Can Heal Your Life” graphic version reference to injuries and illnesses and their causes and lo and behold . . . what does the knee represent you ask, perhaps with doubt in your voice . . .

Well, it’s a multileveled answer:

Joints represent our ability to move forward and knees are about pride and ego and knee problems are about inflexibility, fear, stubbornly holding on to the old crap. Ha.  Ha!

I am ashamed and my ego is taking a hit, as is my pride.  First of all that I couldn’t do this or figure this out myself, or motivate myself. I am an intelligent human being and I’ve put off for years what any logical and intelligent person would have addressed years ago.

Well, thank god for emotions.  I am, as are we all, an emotional being. 

So,  I “knee”d to get over myself and forgive myself for being human.  Geez. I’m sure I”m the only one who has this issue too.  LOL

With love and light

Jenn

Q&C: wyldvynes@gmail.com

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Filed under Authentic, body, fearless, Final Frontier, healing, manifestation, nature, weight loss, wild vines

Finding your Truth

A friend of mine made a comment about how now she just had to find her truth, after reading my posting on Living an Authentic Life (Jan 5/09) and then we later discussed it after I posted last week about Truth, Lies and Procrastination. I’m no expert but I am trying to follow my truth so if this helps you at all, then, fantastic.

When I first started this path of trying to find my truth and live it, it wasn’t that I didn’t have a clue at all about it. I did have some idea of what I liked and didn’t like (mostly didn’t like). I’d been doing healing for 6 years and knew that it was my path, and had also been doing readings for most of that time as well. I had tried other things over the years that hadn’t been quite right for me but that had interested me; mediation was one of the things that I tried and still strongly believe in. I even did it for a while with small claims court but got thrown off because I was unsuccessful (i.e. didn’t get the situations resolved) and felt that I was getting too involved in the parties’ issues and in their sheer stubbornness to even see the other person’s side or consider anything but their own view; I wasn’t quite neutral enough.

But I’ve also noticed that while I enjoyed doing whatever activity it was once I was actually doing it, whether doing a healing, a reading, writing or even cleaning the house, that I dreaded getting to it. I hated the work up or the lead up to the point of impact, so to speak. I hated that I had to drive somewhere and that I had to look nice and professional and that I couldn’t just be at home wrapped up in a good book. I still feel that way most of the time about the things I really like to do. But those feeling have nothing to do with the activity itself. The dread comes because I have to get out of my rut and put myself out there and be my truth, not just talk about it. As many of my friends (and not friends) know, I’m good with the talk. But the truth is, not matter how much truth you may know and be able to talk about, unless you’re living it, it’s not really true, is it? It’s just procrastination; where did I leave that crown?? (ref. Truth, Lies & Procrastination, Jan 15/09)

So there are several aspects here to look at: finding your truth, getting to your truth, accepting your truth, and living your truth. Let us start with the finding.

How did I find my truth, my bliss, my passions, you ask? Well, like most people, I would guess, by eliminating the things I didn’t like, to start with, but that isn’t really the best way to go at it. You’re approaching your truth, your joy, with negativity: what don’t I like about this situation and not what do I like about this. It’s a useful tool, don’t knock it, but look at what you do like too.

Now that I’m doing some of what I like, and I feel that I am getting some satisfaction out of what I am trying to do, I can look back and realize that I sort of went about it backwards, finding the things that I didn’t like, as most of us do. I realized that the things that I most enjoy now are the things that I most enjoyed doing as a kid, or a teenager, before the realities of living kicked in.

I used to love writing in school. Stories mostly but I could craft a pretty good essay as well. In university I was downright brilliant after I’d had a pint of beer at the local Irish pub (and after a couple of good editing sessions) when it came to my papers. I often felt inspired in my writing, even without the beer. I certainly feel inspired now but still need to do the editing part which I don’t so much enjoy. But I believe in sending out a message, so believe the extra time is worth it.

I read a lot as a kid and I still do.  I love sci-fi/fantasy, mostly fantasy, and spent every free moment I could sucking up what books I could find and re-reading the ones I really enjoyed. I dreamed of saving the world, using magic, just like all the heroes did in the epic stories I read. But I do actually do magic now, or it seems that way, with the energy work. Moving energy works with the same principles as those magic users did in those fantasy novels. The basics of physics were the same in those stories – for everything there is balance, and if you take something from one place, you need to replace it. So too with energy – nothing is created or destroyed, it just changes shape and moves. And what Energy healing does certainly seems like magic to me sometimes. I confess, I love romances too and now there are even romance stories that combine the alternate reality and romance aspects in them. As for the romance in my life, well, I’m still working on that but I am definitely open to it.

My mom tells me I used to fix everything. My sister or brother would break their toys (my toys??) and then I’d patiently put them back together again. I always tried to be the peacemaker with friends at school and i think even sometimes between my brother and sister at home. I still do this. I can see both sides of an issue most of the time.  How does this translate now?  The healing certainly looks to be fixing things, if in a different way. And I did study mediation.

I enjoyed being active – I played hockey and soccer; I loved skating, skiing, biking, hiking, canoeing, swimming and dancing but somehow never find the time to do those things anymore.

I used to play in a school band (alto sax and later baritone) and played the piano for years, until I went to university (Ottawa U) that is. It was kind of difficult to get a piano into my dorm room and the walk was long and the effort extensive to book time in a piano room and eventually the realities of life (school work, job, social stuff, no extra cash to buy a piano, no extra room to put in a piano) led to my not playing the piano anymore. I’m kind of sad about it because the piano is what kept me sane through high school; it was my therapy. I could use some piano therapy on a regular basis these days and I am realizing how much I miss it but again, I’m letting the realities get in the way.

I was teaching classes (in meteorology, granted) by the time I was 16, with Air Cadets. I even went to school to be a teacher. I sucked as a teacher (hated trying to motivate thirty 8-year-olds at 8 am). But I’m looking at teaching and coaching now. And I do enjoy it, now. After teacher’s college (and a stress breakdown) it made me nauseous to even walk into a classroom, so this is a good thing. Still don’t want to teach thirty 8-year-olds but that takes a special kind of person that I will never be.

I used to want to be an astronaut and a doctor. I knew what being an astronaut meant (Star Trek, here I come!) but the doctor part  – well, my parents were aiming high for me. But as a doctor, I could fix people, and I could go into space too! (Back in the early 80s, Sally Ride was the first non-pilot and woman to get on as shuttle crew.)   But I think I’ve done more good as a healer in the last few years, than I would have as a doctor but I also don’t think I’d be where I am, happy and getting clearer and happier, if I’d been a practitioner of traditional medicine. Plus there’s that whole having to pass calculus, physics and chemistry thing (which I didn’t do, thank God!) and I don’t have $100,000 in debt. So, really, I’m way ahead of the game here, the almost 20 years of feeling lost between university and when I started doing healing work notwithstanding.

As you can see, we do what we love as kids but as soon as we have to pay the bills ourselves or life gets in the way, we lose touch with those things. I don’t have kids, or a family here, I just have to worry about myself so it must be even harder to try and make time for the things you love when you have the extra people to consider. And that’s not to say that children don’t bring joy. They do, but they are people too and keeping them happy is sometimes even tougher. But are the realities really in the way? Or do we just use them as an excuse for not going out of our way, and doing something that we’re afraid we may not be any good at any more? Yes. For most of us, we let the realities shape our happiness.

Are the realities real though? Of course they are. Believe me, I know. I’m looking at trying to pay rent out of thin air here but again, I don’t have to support anyone else and I am managing to pay the bills and stay caught up. But some realities are more flexible than others, like your time. Do you really need to watch that game on TV or that TV series? Sometimes the answer is yes, you do, because you need the release and the escape but sometimes the answer is no. And while being tired is also valid, doing something you love is energizing too.

But finding your truth adn getting to it? Be honest with yourself first of all, but what I also realized is that it is really simple to find your truth, and possibly the basics of your path in life. What did you like to do as a kid, or younger person? What did you dream about? It might even be about what you found really easy to do, or what came naturally to you, becaue usually we also really like what is easy for us. And this is an even better question: if you were guaranteed 100% success and no obstacles, what would you be doing? What activity would you be pursuing? Remember, it’s 100% guaranteed. What would you do? (Thanks to Gary Craig, www.emofree.com, for that one).

Whatever the answers are to those questions are your truth and most likely your path.  Think about it.  Do you think the universal Source of love would be so cruel as to make your path hard for you?  Not likely.  If it’s your path, I imagine it would be something easy and fun that you found natural to do.  The hard part is overcoming the fear and the ego and the beliefs we carry that things have to be a certain way.

So, go write down all those things that made you happy, that you seem to just do naturally, that you dreamed about, and may still dream about and figure out a way to bring them in to your life.  It might be difficult but it will be worth it.

As for the rest of it, accepting and living your truth?   Well, sometimes that’s a little harder to put into action but I’ll tackle that one later this week and give you my perspective on it.

With Love and Light,

Jenn

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Filed under Authentic, healing, love, procrastinate, Truth

Truth, Lies and Procrastination

All hail the Queen!! Yep, that’s me. I am the queen of Procrastination but luckily I usually have lots of company, don’t I? There are as many kingdoms of Procrastination to rule as there are people so each of us has our own little domain of avoidance and excuses.

Take this project for example. Six month ago I had no idea that I’d be trying to write articles or even considering trying to get paid for them (haven’t gotten there yet). However, when I did decide that I was going to start writing, it sort of came in spurts. At first I was going to write a story. I’m an admin temp and many of my jobs to date have been receptionist positions. This means that sometimes there is a lot of time for me to try and look busy, which I thought was perfect, because I could write during that time. Instead, I started reading Jane Austen online. Great site called The Literature Page. I would spend my time doing that in the afternoons after the daily stuff was done instead of writing my story and then I hatched the idea of starting a blog, and writing up my opinion on healing and some of the channelings I get from my guides. Seemed like an idea at the time. It took me a month to get a blog even started (November). Then it took me 2 weeks to write an intro. Then it took me another month to write an article, then another month to post in January about an authentic life, and then I just posted on Monday again. So, slowly I’m working up to posting regularly. I’m aiming for twice a week and I do want to start another blog about some of the stranger messages I get but haven’t gotten there yet, either. I figure I’m doing pretty well just by sitting my butt down and actually writing anything.

I do still want to write a story (have one started but am writing by hand) and look, I’m still managing to procrastinate!!! I’ve blabbered on about how I got here, not about the actual topic. So, to business…

Truth, lies and procrastination is about the truth we avoid, the lies we tell ourselves to avoid it and what we do in between: procrastinate.

We clean the house, or do the filing, or catch up on our reading or do dishes, etc to avoid what we’ve said we’ll do. My classic is to clean up my clutter, because then I can work better. True. But I’d probably work better if I just sat down, ignored what was going around me, and just wrote. Also true, as today proves. (My desk is a mess!)

Procrastination happens when we agree (by nature of showing up at work, or to ourselves) to take on a task and tell whomever (others, ourselves, our friends, etc) that we’ll do it and do it in a certain amount of time. It starts off pretty innocently: oh, I have to finish this project first, I have to clean the house, do the filing, catch up on the magazines, clean the garage, yada, yada, yada, and then we’re up against a wall and either we sit down and get it done (usually when motivated by external circumstances) or we don’t do it at all (usually when we’ve only made the commitment to ourselves, friends or family) or we do it so far down the road that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Either way, we lie about it. We paint ourselves into a corner because we don’t want to actually do the task that we agreed to do. We lie to ourselves, and to other people, but mostly to ourselves. And why? Well, this is where the truth comes in.

Truth is actually subjective . . . and absolute. The problem is, no one actually knows the absolute truth, unless a third detached party can make observations without judgment, read God, or Source. Truth is based on what we think we know, what we think we see and what we believe. Where truth, lies and procrastination meet is when we believe that we won’t succeed, or will succeed or in the success, something bad will come of it. Something like more work, too much attention, not enough attention, mocking laughter, disappointment the next time because you didn’t do it as well as the last, or that you can’t do it again, etc. These “truths” and lies are based on previous experience, either in this life, with past lives weighing it, or because that’s what someone whom we trusted told us it was true. And sometimes the person we trusted who told us the “truth” is ourselves. In fact, most of the time, it is ourselves from whom we receive those “truths” because our fear creates them or underlies them or emphasizes them; our fear of not being loved, of not being enough, or of being hurt.

And are they true? Sometimes, yes, they are. For example, gravity exists, but other times … it’s only true if we believe it is. We are only failures if we believe we are, not because someone else said we were. So, we lie, to make it less scary so we don’t have to go out on a limb and actually test the truth or throw our reality into chaos.

I don’t think I’m a bad writer. I think I have a style that won’t appeal to everyone but it took me over 20 years to come back to writing, something I loved to do as a young un’ and that I was good at whenever I did it. (Ok, if you think I’m bad, please don’t let me know right now). I wanted to be a writer for a living. And now, here I am. I’m not doing it full time, but I am writing and I love it, and hate it (there’s that procrastination bug), but mostly love it.

So why did I procrastinate? What are the lies I told myself? No one cares, it won’t make a difference, no one will ever read it (well, so far, true, as I haven’t told more than 5 people about the blog). What was the truth I was avoiding? No one wanted to hear my opinion, my thoughts, my view, my imagination, etc. . . . Well, maybe people don’t but I was charged with a greater purpose – I have a need to help save the world (I think I mentioned this previously) so this is one way for me to try – to help others with my own stories of how I get through, and frankly, I have a big mouth. But in procrastinating, I only hurt myself more. I let my fear control my life and I lied to myself, saying yes, I will do this today, then I didn’t do it today, or the next day, or the next, until a whole month or two went by. And are those fears still there? Well, yeah, I’m human aren’t I? The courage comes and the real, or the absolute Truth comes when you over come your fear and stand in the light of your joy and let your light shine.

And procrastination? Bah, I speet in zee face of procrastination . . . well, I’ll take it a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time and every time I get the urge to clean the bathroom instead of writing something, I’ll stop and look at myself (maybe even in an actual mirror, ‘cause I’m kinda cute) and look at my stuff, and say, why? Why am I avoiding doing what I really want to? And I will take a deep breath and look myself in those pretty blues and say, I’m not giving in to my fear. I’m going to let go of the outcome, and I’m going to do what I really enjoy doing and what will be, will be.

So, look at your truth, and the lies you tell yourself, and what is making you procrastinate. If you can’t find what you love, at least acknowledge what you don’t love. I’ll write up a few things that may help you to find the things you love. And don’t be so hard on yourself. You got this far, didn’t you?

With Love and Light,

Jenn

Comments?  Send me an email at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca

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Filed under healing, lies, procrastinate, Truth

What’s the scoop for 2009? Living an Authentic life.

Well, here it is.  2009.  Where on earth did it come from?  It certainly seems like time is moving faster than ever before and I think the physicists are trying to prove it – something to do with the universe shrinking??  Who knows.  I failed Physics in University – I always had a hard time believe that the desk pushed back.  Of course, now that I’m more enlightened (heehee) I’m willing to accept the desk pushing back.

So, time is moving faster.  I think.  Maybe I’m just having more fun – which is true too.  Now that I’ve come in to my own (reality, gifts, passions) life is more interesting.

For 2009, I did a little bit of channeling and asked the guides what is going on.  I got a fair bit but one of the main themes was living an authentic life.  I did a card reading with a friend on New Year’s Day as well and she got the same message, and did some healing last week as well and got the same message so I gather it’s a pretty big deal.

Live an authentic life.  What does that mean?  That means living in our truth, no longer accepting things because it’s easier than not to but to actually look at our lives and see what we’re unhappy about and where we’re unhappy and fix it or at least acknowledge it – something a lot of us don’t do because the alternative is – well, what will I do?  How will I pay the bills.  But the catch is, in acknowledging our truth, our unhappiness if that is the case, also means we now have to do something about it.

Is it easy?  No, it’s not.  It’s damned scary – believe me.  I quit my job in May; it was a nice little company but I wasn’t happy there, I didn’t like me there and they weren’t happy with me either although my work was always pretty good but that wasn’t enough.  I was getting bad headaches that were lasting 2 and 3 days at a time and finally, I said enough. I didnt’ know how I was going to pay the bills, or what I was going to do but I knew that I was going to give notice, and for the first time in a very very long time, I was going to actually quit my job and not get laid off from it.  So I did.

I went in and talked to the boss, a great guy, and he said, well, let’s see what we can do to help you.  And he did: they gave me work for the first 2 months and kept me in rent money and then it tricked off a bit but I started temping and so on to where I am now.  I don’t get much work from them anymore but they’re with the oil industry so it’s a bit slow right now. And that’s okay.

Don’t get me wrong, there have been tough times, but I would rather be stressed about money and focusing on what’s important to me than feeling like I’m dying and losing myself every time I  get out of bed or walk into the office.

Looking at your truth does create a new level of awareness.  It does mean setting new priorities and it does mean that we can’t go back. Once you’ve seen the light and found even a bit of happiness, it’s kind of hard to go back to hell.

So, how do you get through it? Day by day, minute by minute and with faith.  You have to do it with the faith that if you are following what makes you happy that you can manifest situations you need to make ends meet to continue following your bliss – or finding your happiness. To manifest you have to be postive in setting your intent.  No worrying about how to pay the bills until you’re up against the wall (?? what??? I don’t know how to answer that one) but to get through, manifest the situation you want – the positive outcome you want by not accepting anything else but the postive outcome and not focusing on what you don’t have but what you do have and on what you want and in not defining how you want it.

For example, if you want money, ask for money and let go of how it will come to you.  Don’t limit the options of how money can come to you by only saying I need to get a job or more hours.  I do readings, healings, admin work, and work as a temp.  I can also shovel walks, get lottery tickets and have old relatives who may die and parents and friends.  They all have money – so money can come in many different ways.  So, don’t limit how the money gets to you – just ask for it to come and the opportunity to make it come if necessary.

The guide entity call Abraham, whom Esther Hicks channels for compares it to swimming in a river.  When you are out of alignment with truth, with what makes you happy, you are swimming upstream, and making things more difficult.  When you’re on your path and living in truth, you are swimming downstream.

Remember physics again?  Like attracts like.  If you’re positive you’ll attract positive and vice versa.  Think negative and it will come. Try it with parking sometime.  It might not work the first time but it will eventually.  I will get a great parking space.  And bear in mind, it might relative – only 20 cars away from teh door rather than 50.  It’s relative.  and as you stay postiive and get stronger at putting out those vibes, you’ll be able to get really good parking.  Just try it – it does work.

Do I have all the answers and have it all worked out? Nope.  But I’m working on it and it is a struggle every day.  I spent the whole month of December worrying about how much money I didn’t have rather than writing articles and doing what I do like to do adn enjoying the time off.  I was broke for the month and had to take some other measures to pay the rent.  I didn’t believe.  But I’m working on it now and I’ve already made more money in these first 5 days of January than I did the entirety of last month.  It does work.  And I’m proving it, a little at a time, both to myself and to anyone who wants to listen or read about it.

An authentic life.  It’s easier once you overcome your fear, your doubt, all the inborn training and belief systems that we’re raised with and your ego.  But unfortunately, part of the human condition is that if it’s too easy, we don’t believe it’s worth it.  The truth is that is should all be easy.

The universe moves in mysterious ways.  Make the mystery yours and follow your truth.

With love and light,

Jenn

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