Tag Archives: love

Final Frontier 3 – Revelation

I actually wrote this back in early November.  The “event” itself occurred back in October some time and I took my time in writing it out.  I had forgotten about it but it is significant.

The follow up to this is that I’ve lost a few pounds, I have started to be more active, I do feel better, and I am still grateful for my body, quirky as it is. I’ve also lost my taste for junk food.  AAck!!

Well,

Last night, I finally had THE revelation.  Well, I think it’s pretty significant anyway.  So, as the title indicates this is another in the EFT weight loss journey that I’m on, thanks to my friend.  It came rather suddenly as well but I was working on something else and it came down to it.

So, I had been asking a friend of mine what some of my blocks were (to romance, of course) and she mentioned, ” I keep getting that you don’t want to be seen naked”.    Well, yeah . ..  so? she make it sound like a bad thing.  Who, without a perfect body, does want to be seen.  Well, to be honest, i’ve just tried to ignore that little fact and since my body is my body, I can’t take a pill to make it magically different and I don’t want to wait until i’m perfect to have an intimate relationship (cause that ain’t NEVER going to happen). So, what to do?  How do I quickly get over my squeamishness and denial about my imperfect body so that this is not one of the blocks to my having a more romantic relationship or to anything else for that matter?

Well, in a blinding flash of insight (i really am slow sometimes – this time about 30 years slow) I thought – EFT!! It’s the fastest way to work through fears and doubts and I do mean fast – try it on something sometime that you think is insurmountable.  I have applied this on a couple of things and in the space of minutes i’ve had the realization of what the core issue was with the apparent issue and been able to overcome it.

Well, I did some tapping over the weekend, and did a bit more last night and last night as I was lying in bed, it came.  The revelation, of my lifetime, i’m sure, since I think so much of my identity is hooked in to my body (even though Ive denied it for years:

My body is my best friend; ever.  It has always been there for me.  It has never lied to me.  It communicates regularly with me.  It has always told me when there was something wrong.  It has protected me when I needed it to.  It has never failed me.

I can say this with confidence, that my body has never failed me even though I’ve been ill, been injured, injured myself, fought back and successfully stayed healthy no matter how much I have abused it (and I do love junk food!) and neglected it (i.e. no exercise) because I believe my physical state completely reflects my mental, spiritual and emotional state.  It is the mirror of my other aspects.  I believe in Louise Hay, when she says all physical symptoms are a reflection of other issues in your life (I’m paraphrasing here).  I have seen evidence of it continuously since I started looking at my physical state as a symptom of other things.  The most obvious of this type of reflection is one that we all know – when you look like a slob or don’t care for yourself, it generally indicates to others that perhaps you don’t have as much respect for yourself as you could (I’m not sure if Sunday pajama day counts in there . . . ), but i’m sure you catch my drift.

The tapping seems to have worked as today I feel great, my joints are moving a bit better (of  course the yoga and stretching Im doing may be helping with that) and hurt less, and i’m not afraid to look in the mirror (and I have really big mirrors in my bathroom – yes it’s a rental).

So,  my body is my best friend and I have to say, it is definitely time to start treating this particular friend with a great deal more respect, love, care, and gratitude.

So, thanks to my body, for always looking out for me.

With love and light,

Jenn

Acknowledgments and reference:

Louise Hay, You can Heal Your Life: a great book!

EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique, www.emofree.com

Any other questions or comments, please contact me at wyldvynes@gmail.com.  Thanks!

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My Final Frontier: October 25, 2009

Well,

I haven’t changed any of my eating habits, per se, I am trying to eat more fruit and veggies, and thanks to my roommate, that is easier, because she is willing to help me with it.   I did start working out once I got back from my vacation as i was already on a roll – I don’t have stairs at my place but where I was staying back east (Ontario, where I’m originally from) at my mom’s and at my sister’s, they have full stairs – upstairs and down so I ended up in better shape when I got back from vacation than when I left.  So i thought i’d try and keep up the momentum.

My roommate has a little stepper that she uses to work out with and has very kindly allowed me its use (along with the exercise DVD) and while I haven’t put a lot of thought into what I’m going to do for a regular exercise regime, I do know that while I like working out, I don’t really like gyms (unless there is a pool) and i do like walking. So, no firm plans yet but I worked out on Wednesday and Friday for about 20 minutes adn walked today for about 30 minutes.  In my mind, this is all good.

What I didn’t anticipate in this whole process, and totally forgot about and frankly decided to ignore and tell it to go back to work . . . is my left knee.

Yes, my left knee.  I had it scoped 3 times in the space of 10 years, i think, the last time was 5 years ago.  I think.  Yes, 5 years ago.  The last time i had it fixed, they told me the next time would probably be an ACL replacement (ligament reconstruction).  Not something I’m really keen on, frankly, I’ve heard the stories.  However, in the last few months (year?), I’ve noticed that as I’ve changed my way of thinking around to being more positive, and letting go of all my old habits (still working on that one) that my knee has been making itself heard – literally.  When i bend it, it sounds like little ball bearings all scraping together.  And, since I started working out again, it’s started slipping again – the knee, or cap, has been slipping and jerking and catching and causing a great deal of pain.

So, I need to tap on this – do my EFT thing for it so I can heal it but I’m not sure exactly what it was that was going on.  So, I pulled out my trusty Louise Hay “You Can Heal Your Life” graphic version reference to injuries and illnesses and their causes and lo and behold . . . what does the knee represent you ask, perhaps with doubt in your voice . . .

Well, it’s a multileveled answer:

Joints represent our ability to move forward and knees are about pride and ego and knee problems are about inflexibility, fear, stubbornly holding on to the old crap. Ha.  Ha!

I am ashamed and my ego is taking a hit, as is my pride.  First of all that I couldn’t do this or figure this out myself, or motivate myself. I am an intelligent human being and I’ve put off for years what any logical and intelligent person would have addressed years ago.

Well, thank god for emotions.  I am, as are we all, an emotional being. 

So,  I “knee”d to get over myself and forgive myself for being human.  Geez. I’m sure I”m the only one who has this issue too.  LOL

With love and light

Jenn

Q&C: wyldvynes@gmail.com

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My Final Frontier

I love Star Trek.  I remember watching it on Sunday mornings in the early 70’s on the days that I didn’t have to actually go to church – which wasn’t often.  I was always excited to see what new life and new civilizations (or lack of civilization) they would find.  I have also always wanted to go to Space.  When I was younger, I studied to become a pilot and decided to be come a medical doctor because there was a woman going into space who was a medical doctor – sometime in the first half of the 80’s.  I don’t remember her name but she did leave an impression, to be sure.  Soon, though my hopes of going in to Space were dashed:

 A)  I had lousy eyesight so couldn’t be a jet pilot;  and

 B) I was terrible at math (especially calculus) and for some reason you need that to become a doctor and, I expect, an astronaut.

As I grow older, I realize that it wasn’t seeing what else was out there in space that appealed, per se,  but it was the lack of boundaries that it seemed to advertise. Not the “civilized” lack of boundaries, necessarily, like manners and politeness and honour, and saving the world, etc;  I have all of those qualities and as I go off into “no boundaries” land some of them are still of use – maybe even all of them – politeness might go by the wayside . . . and manners, too, hmmm . . . let me explain . . .

My final frontier is my health, and more specifically, my weight.   I’m tall and built like a brick s*** house so I can carry it off – I’m definitely big – no question there but I’m definitely carrying a few more pounds than is considered healthy, although, all things considered, my health isn’t too bad.  In fact, it’s a miracle I haven’t got diabetes yet, but there’s always tomorrow but that’s not my goal.

And, now, thanks to a friend of mine, who shall remain nameless (and this is where the manners and politeness might go by the wayside which I’m sure she’ll understand and lmao about),  challenged me on September 20, 2009, over breakfast at one of our fave breakfast joints.  She challenged me to lose weight . . . using EFT.  I had one year, from that date.

Now this is a double edged sword, my friend.  The truth is about any weight loss program, you have to at some point examine your motivation, your habits and frankly, I think, your issues around weight, food, not excercising, respect and love for yourself, etc.  I have tried a few different programs, and seen many more, and although they may be successful initially, there is always the maintenance part of the program which is where you start looking at changing your habits, yada, yada, to make sure you don’t gain back any of the weight. 

And this is where EFT comes in. My theory is (and maybe I live in fantasy land) is that if I can clear all of my old habits and “stuff” then when I do lose weight, it will be both easier to do and easier to maintain.  I”m coming at it from a maintenance perspective first I guess.  Regardless of what I do with the tapping though, I still have to watch my food intake and get active.  The EFT will help keep me motivated to keep going. 

At least, that’s the plan. So, in losing weight, something my friend works at regularly (bless her – I don’t like running), and doing so using EFT, gives me, and hopefully her, and anyone else reading, double benefits:

I lose weight, I clear up all sorts of long term issues about that weight (and probably all sorts of other things) and I prove to my friend that I’m not a total crackpot when it comes to energy work.  WIN-WIN.  So, I have to say, the whole, trying to make her eat crow is a major part of the motivation here but the side benefits are going to be (and are already proving to be) awesome.  She does know me.

So, as we go along, I’ll do some updates for you and feel free to join me in doing EFT for any of your stuff.

With love and light,

Jenn

 

NOTES:

EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique, www.emofree.com

They suggest on the website that you try it on anything.  They have free manuals that you can download and print off for you to learn how to do it for yourself and you can search thousands of articles.  I’ve even tried tapping on my car- try it – it never hurts.

Any Qs or Cs? Please contact me at wyldvynes@gmail.com

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The Odyssey

There is something freeing and life defining, or releasing, about getting your hair done.  And I do mean done, not just cut, or washed, or trimmed, or having your colour touched up (although that washing sure is lovely). By done, I mean re-designed.  And it doesn’t have to be majorly radical but it might be highlights in a different colour or using a completely different colour altogether, or the classic – actually cutting your hair! And I don’t imagine it’s just women who feel that way;  I imagine men feel that way too sometimes, although it may not be about a haircut.

I realized this the other day when I was sitting at work waiting to go and get my hair done.  My hair has been pretty low maintenance the last few years – home colour and trims as it was long with perm in it and I didn’t need to do much but trim out the perm as I cut it shorter.  But I also hadn’t made that much effort to find a new stylist as my old hair stylist who, for 6 or 7 years, knew me and my hair very well, left the province a few years ago (which sucked but I understood).   Her move sort of started the whole growing out process and frankly the move into the lowest maintenance hair I could get.

But I decided, partly in anticipation of summer, partly out of boredom, partly out of annoyance about my roots showing and not wanting to colour it again myself, that I need to get my hair done.  I was also thinking I would just do a trim on my hair, maybe add a few layers but nothing major.  And I’ve been known for major hair changes in the past.

All day though, as I waited until 245, I was kinda down.  It felt like something was ending and I was feeling kind of sad about it. Rather sentimental, I suppose, and frankly , very nervous as I’d never been to this particular before (although she came highly recommended) as I was having something major done (layers cut in, at least, and this too can go badly, believe me).  However, luckily, the ladies I was working with distracted me a bit near the end so it came quickly without too many nerves;  I even entered the chopping block a titch late.

So, after this and that, 2 hours later, there I was looking at myself in the mirror.  The stylist had reassured me when I initially went in as she told me she had been thinking about my colour the night before and what we should do.  So, there I was, done.  The hair was red, the shape was similar to what I had had, there were millions of layers in it, the style was funky and hip, and I thought, I’m back.

So, what did I discover through my hair odyssey?  I have high maintenance hair.  And the funky bright sytle and colour are actually a refelction of me, as well.  And although I really like low maintenance hair (a subjective classificaiton, belive me)  I suppose it’s also a reflection that I believe am worth the work and that I do deserve to look good. Translation, I deserve good things and am worthy of them as well.

So, kids, what do you need to do to remind you that you’re worth it and that you deserve all the good things the universe has to offer?

With love and light,

Jenn

C’s or Q’s?  Email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca

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Begin as you mean to go on

Well, not sure how much of that I did.

When I was in university, I worked at an Air Cadet Gliding School camp in the summers, doing various jobs, depending on the year. Some, I did flight instruction; one year I was an admin assistant and my final year I was the Chief Ground School Instructor (CGI) (I got to manage the classroom part of the program).

But it’s the year that I was an admin assistant that this phrase comes from. There were a couple of others too. The CGI that year was an older gentleman who had been running the ground school for years and I was helping him. Some would say a curmudgeon he was, honestly, I can’t even remember his name, but he was ok, if you were on his good side. His bark was bad but his bite was only bad if you really pissed him off. Luckily, I didn’t. Ah, those were the days – I was a golden child and could do almost no wrong. haha. That didn’t last too long.

Anyway, “Begin as you mean to go on” was one of his favourite sayings. And it’s all about the procrastinating thing that I’ve been up to. Well, to be honest, I haven’t really been procrastinating so much as avoiding exposing myself to the world. When I started this blog, part of the intent was to chronicle my journey and my growth experiences and it’s against anyone’s nature to expose one’s softer inner tender bits to the world. Hence the Great Pause.

My mother often said, “If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all” and to be honest, I’ve had some trouble saying nice things the last little while, nice things to myself, but also in offering positive feedback on my misery to you, my readers. But, as I write here thinking about it, although I’m pretty much out of the rut, I realize that connecting is one of the ways to get out of the rut. There are other ways to get out of that rut too.

That dark rut, the Dark Night of the Soul, as one of my mentors calls it, is a haven too. When all of that nasty negative fear and loathing starts, it’s safe to just hide, and there is certainly a part of you that does not want to expose that to the air, let alone the light. I like to hide because I am miserable, as my roommate will attest to. I’m depressed, desperate, confused, let’s not forget, angry, and, often, whiny. Why me? Actually I don’t ask that anymore but I certainly ask – what am I doing nor not doing? What the h*** is going on? Why is this not happening? And of course, the answer is always, there is a reason, you just have to figure it out. Oh, and be patient. ARRRGH!!

Well, sometimes that is just waaaaayyy too much work – to figure it out. It’s hard to figure out how to get out of bed unless you really have to, let alone figure out what you need to do. It’s hard to be objective about your own fear, when you’re in it. When you’re not in it, well, really it’s not hard to see, the fear, that is. But how do you get out of those dark times?

Connecting is one way. Call your friends, go out, let them know you need them to remind you that life is fun, and not just about whatever it is you’re obsessing about. And from my own experience, make sure you go out with more than just your healer/work friends. I have one friend whom I just love. She has a wonderful sense of sarcasm and wit and insight into people that we spend much of our time sniping at each other (we can certainly get each other’s goats) but I always seem to get the biggest kick out of her. She has my sense of humour too and gets my jokes. But I laugh when I’m with her. When I’m with my healing friends, I seem to spend more time crying, because everyone cares so much that sometimes it’s overwhelming. Laughing with one who loves you is even better than crying. I’m really good at crying so I prefer to practice my laughing.

Another way is through sincere gratitude. I remember lying in bed one night, excited because I was looking for interesting jobs (and this is in the last 6 weeks) and thinking that I would write a thank you note to my last boss, who is a great person, to let him know what I was up to. He’d been very supportive of me when I left his company, and I wanted to express my gratitude for his faith and support and something hugely shifted for me. I’ve been in a bit of a financial pickle lately, not having worked in now almost 4 months, and I’ve had some wonderful friends helping me out too, especially my roommate who keeps me in healthy food. So, while in the dark, I’m lamenting because I can’t buy my own food, or pay my own bills with my own money, rather than focusing on the show of love and support around me – I’m focusing on that too though, and I thank my friends regularly, but that simple shift of perspective to gratitude can change your perspective on many things and turn your thinking around and start shining that light into the rut so you can find your way out.

Surrender helps too sometimes, surrender to the dark and falling into the pit because otherwise you could be standing on the edge for a while just prolonging the inevitable. But it also means surrendering to Source, to your pathway, to your future, to your true light.

What else? Another favourite saying of the old curmudgeon was “Ask and ye shall receive”. And you have to ask! Angels and guides will not interfere unless you ask for help. And it’s not just asking for help from above but also asking help from your friends or of certain people.

I have a wonderfully talented friend who is a voice channel as well. I knew she wasn’t too sure where she wanted to go with it and I didn’t want to bother her with my desperate pleadings for help (verbal or not). However, I did take advantage of the fact that she called my roommate to contact her (we’re close so calling one of us often means calling both of us). So, I talked to her to see if she’d be interested in a trade of services sort of arrangement. I wanted a mentor to help me with my readings and my voicing, and she wants one to help her with her healing path. So, now we have a deal. She also let me ask all sorts of questions of her the other day which was great because it did answer some things for me in terms of my healing work and she confirmed some other things for me as well, also wonderful.

So, that certainly has helped get me out of this rut that I’ve been in but I was thinking the last couple of days that it’s not so much the “Dark Night of the Soul” that I’ve been in than in a transition. The dark night is sometimes made up of moments but I think that that whole process is a reflection of transition. Change is always hard for oneself. It is certainly easier to point other people’s paths, etc, but when it’s your own, it’s hard to remember that you are worth the effort to get the h*** out of that rut and get going.

I am in transition. This week, I’ve started manifesting more work for me in terms of healing and readings, and I’m beginning to see that this may be the way for me to go, but I’m still holding on to the fantasy of the perfect part time job so I can have a regular income. I still am having challenges manifesting any kind of traditional work so I’m just going to focus on doing the best I can at whatever I’m doing at the time. Is the final answer?

There is no final answer, just the journey of one step in front of the other. And the joy that you can find along the way, the beautiful flowers that are by the pathway that you’re on that are always there provided you look up and around where you are at while you’re trudging through whatever rut you may be in at the time to get to the next light.

Does the rut, the dark, go away? No. But the joy of emerging is greater every time so it is worth the journey. I am worth the journey, and you are worth the journey. For me, I’m taking the dark as an opportunity to teach about it from now on and hopefully this will provide hope to others who are going through these periods of challenge.

And sometimes, it just takes a good swift kick in the butt.

So, thank you to all of you who have been supporting me to date and whom I know, will continue to support me in my journey. My blessing and my gratitude go out to you. And if you’re in a rut, remember, this too shall pass.

With love and light,
Jenn

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Safety Girl Moves Forward

I wanted to continue a bit with my last posting (Fearless Inventory reveals Safety Girl, Feb 16/09) about security, safety (that’s me, the Safety Girl), and boundaries and letting go of those boundaries because i had a rather interesting experience this week.

I started working part time at a shop last week (the place I was thinking was my dream job – and it may be but not quite yet) where I’m doing readings. I had planned to go in yesterday because I had left my lunch there (it had my banana cake in it, with cream cheese icing, and no way was I leaving it there to go bad, fridge or no fridge) and had wanted to pick it up. I had originally planned on going today (Wed) but my day yesterday ended up being only a half day of work so I was off in the afternoon.

After trudging my way to the bus stop in Kensington, from downtown (and it was trudging, let me tell you), finally making it home (I missed the bus by a minute), eating the lunch I’d made to eat at the office (mmm, chickpea salad) and reading a good book, I headed to bed for a nap (still trudging here), thinking, it’s ok, I’ll go tomorrow to the shop. I read for about 25 minutes and it came in to my head, that I really needed to go to the shop as soon as possible.

So, I jumped up, threw on some nicer clothes (I’d changed from work when I’d gotten home) and headed out, road raging all the way because all of the sudden I needed to get somewhere in a hurry and everyone in front of me was driving slow. Thank goodness, no accidents and no tickets; I guess the gods, and apparently, my grandmother, were looking out for me. So, finally made it to the shop. Lunch was still intact and the shop owner and one of the other ladies that works there were talking about someone who was coming to do some work.

Ok. Who believes in kismet? Coincidence? Things happening for a reason? This lady (we’ll call her CC for now, as I don’t have her permission yet to mention her name), CC, had called in as she was looking to join the shop and make her services in Belief Re-Patterning (TM, developed by Suze Casey, MEd) available to the public. She had called earlier that morning or something to make a “test” appointment (she was to do a test run, sort an interview, for the owner, to see how she would best fit in) then had called back a bit later to move the appointment back to 3 pm.

Lo, and behold, here I come walking in, at about 2:45pm, saying I had to be here today, and what’s going on? the owner didn’t really want to sit that day for the exercise, wasn’t feeling up to it or something and so she decided that I should take the appointment. So, there I was when CC walked in; we got settled and started our session. We sat in chairs facing each other, she with her hand on my knee.

The basic principle behind the Belief Re-patterning (TM) is to release beliefs that no longer serve us or that limit us in some way (you can read more about it on the website – see the end of the post for that). There are lots of limiting beliefs – I’ve talked about some of those here: beliefs about boundaries and safety, for example. I do some belief release work in my healing practice as well so was curious about this different process.

it uses muscle testing to determine what beliefs, emotions, etc need to be addressed. We started with my arm and it was not cooperating at all (wouldn’t really give us a straight answer) so we switched to using my hand, which did give us clear answers.

We started with OUTRAGE, and moved our way through several steps, quite rapidly, to the point where I was stating that I am collected and peaceful in all situations in my life. We passed through forgiving myself for believing that others know my truth better than me (those parents!!) and through choosing, freedom, and a few other steps that while seemingly rapid, were quite profound. At different points I was breathing pretty heavy to clear what was sticking in my chest, crying, speechless because I couldn’t say the words that I needed to say to go through the “point” in the process, and near the end, holding myself straight in my chair, still breathing heavy, out of sheer pride, because I wanted to throw myself onto the ground and wail with fear and pain at the feelings that were coming through and at how difficult it was to break the belief and build new ones. I was also dizzy through a large part of the second half.

I’ve seen all of these things in my own healing practice and have experienced variations of them in my own release process through other healing modalities (EFT, Healing Touch, Energy Medicine, NLP, shamanist healing, etc). However, in my sessions, other than EFT, which I had only ever done on my own, it usually took about an hour to 2 hours, sometimes longer, to get to the end point, or the closing point for the session. I have always experienced a shift, in every session, some faster than others, but rarely I think, in such a far reaching manner.

My session with CC took about 20 minutes from start to finish. I am blown away, still, now, as I write about it. I could see the ramifications of what we were doing touching, literally, on all of the stuff I had been working on the last couple of weeks, about boundaries, about safety, about moving forward, on things that I had been struggling with my whole life. 20 bloody minutes.

Only 1 other time can I remember the clarity that I had in this session and that came after someone, who had a great deal of negative influence in my life, died. I had this person in my life for my entire life, and by the end of the weekend (I heard on Friday of the death), I had such clarity and could see how that person had affected me in everything in my life, and it was such a profound relief to me that they had passed that I was almost a completely different person come Monday. It was pretty amazing. This was similar and in only 20 minutes.

is everyone going to have this kind of shift? Well, I hope so. However, as with all healing work, sometimes the shift will be subtle, and other times, big, and other times physically demanding, and other times, a happy experience. Each person, believe me, will get what they need out of each session they go to provided they go with the intent to shift and move things and let go of stuff.

When I talk about doing the fearless inventory, of looking at your stuff, the outcome, ideally, is this kind of clarity. It won’t always be that way but if you are persistent in working to resolve your stuff, you will have these moments. And believe me, they are worth it.
I can easily say that I am grateful for my earlier experiences, however difficult they were, so that I could have such clarity and grace now, when I see the light, and have experienced the release.

So, now I have a new weapon in my arsenal, against my stuff. I recommend it but not everyone will want it that way. Some will want to get on a table and go that route – go in whatever route calls to you. There are many options out there.

Be at peace, and may you have clarity,
With love and light,
Jenn

Info: Belief Re-patterning (TM) website: http://www.beliefrepatterning.com
Check it out, read up on it. If you want to see the practitioner I did, send me an email (below) and I’ll get her full info for you. She is a practitioner, and I believe she is listed on the website, but let me know as I’ll get confirmed information.

The shop I work at is called Angels, Guides, & Spirits, 403-264-3576 in Calgary.

Questions or Comments: Please email me at wyldvyne@yahoo.ca

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Fearless Inventory reveals Safety Girl

Have you ever heard the term “fearless inventory”? And no, I’m not talking about counting all those dust and cobweb-covered (ooh, the spiders!) cans in the back corner. It’s a term that has floated around for a while with different programs out there and it’s really both interesting and not a little unsettling.

As I recall, taking a “fearless inventory” means looking at all of your “stuff”, both your light “stuff” and your dark “stuff” (but mostly your dark “stuff”) without blinders on, without fooling yourself about it but also without judging yourself for it. It means looking at all that stuff and either fixing it or making reparations for it, then accepting it and making the effort and the commitment to not do it again and to move on and learn from it. It’s unsettling because it means admitting to yourself and sometimes others that you were wrong in your behaviour, in your belief and maybe even your boundaries. It may also mean looking at other events that occurred in your life that are painful and confusing and in looking at the boundaries that arose from those events. So, unsettling could be putting it mildly.

Taking this inventory, maybe not entirely, but certainly regarding some of my behaviours that I have been recently wallowing in, is what I’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been looking at them (my behaviours and habits) and looking at what I can do to make reparation for them and in the effort, grow as a person. This also has the added benefit of working towards making myself a clearer vessel both to channel energy for healing and readings but also to channel more positive things for myself (like a regular income) and to others. And i can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I can see changes in my behaviour and how things affect me but growth is an ever upward-spiraling event so we address different aspects of the same things over and over again, clearing our vibrational levels as we go through each experience again, and again. So, there is growth and change and it is sometimes faster than other times but it does happen even if we can’t seem to see movement – so again, back to unsettling, and so it should be. But there is growth and while you may not always be able to see it, others will and eventually you’ll feel the difference inside you when you make a decision about something and it’s a different decision that what you would have done before. This is redefining your boundaries and it comes from taking this “fearless inventory”.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to talk about boundaries but sometimes it’s very difficult to figure out your own and to figure out when you need to set some and release others.

The stuff that I have been most recently trying to figure out is about why I’m so territorial, why other peoples’ noise bothers me so much, why the little things get to me, why I remember almost every slight ever done to me and why people on this earth are here to torment me (only slightly egocentric), or more specifically, what lesson is it that I am to learn from these experiences? As a “cancer” in the astrological show, my tendencies include being oversensitive and living in the past. So, we’re back to overcoming my nature and I’ve been trying to look at it objectively, being honest about it but not beating myself up about it (tapping (EFT) has been helping a lot here).

And I think I’ve figured it out, finally. At least, for me.

Those things, territoriality, annoyed by little things, they are about safety. It’s about having boundaries in a physical way (rules) when you don’t trust that you have the strength, or more likely, courage, to address those boundary issues at the time they actually arise. And in the past, I was not able to address some boundary issues so I suppose it makes sense. I was too shy, too embarrassed, too ashamed, etc, to speak to anyone about things or as I got older, but not necessarily calmer, I was too abrupt and rude about it because I was scared silly of saying anything at all so when I finally got the guts to say anything, I was so angry about it that I was out of control. And those rules seem to be pretty important to me. However, I’m trying to overcome those tendencies. Sometimes those rules can get pretty specific (kind of like French Grammar – like this but only for 3 things, and the rest of the time it’s like this) and are sometimes pretty random, as my roommate will certainly attest to.

But the other thought that comes with this business about boundaries and safety is that if we are working to live a more authentic life, to live more in tune with the Higher Self, more in tune with that part of us not affected by the human condition, then shouldn’t we be letting go of those things? Shouldn’t we be letting go of that need for safety? When it boils down to it, does the soul actually need safety? Does the soul really need boundaries?

I don’t think it does. I think the soul is perfectly safe, despite dire threats to the contrary by so many groups out there. Granted, it is bound to the human body (no offense to non-humans here) but I don’t think it needs the extra boundaries. It’s the human ego and the human condition that needs them. The soul just needs to remember what it is.

Supposedly, the lives we live here are ones of learning, of illusion, as some put it, and not of actual “reality” (let’s not get to existential right now). The reality is that the soul is completely connected to Source, and is a piece of the Divine, of Source and safety is a human condition construct, just as is our experience here, on this earth. So, as part of Source, can the soul be damaged? Can Source be damaged?

In the bigger picture, no, I don’t think Source can be damaged. Can you hurt God? Can you hurt the Universal Energy, the Universal Love, that only loves and accepts unconditionally?

Are boundaries necessary, though? As humans, oh, yes, I think so. It’s kind of a mixed bag though, isn’t it? On one hand, do we need to have boundaries if we are all a part of Source, but we are taught, and I think rightly so, that boundaries are necessary for self-respect, and other things. But are those boundaries actually helping us to get clearer? To get closer to the Divine? In deciding to say no to something we don’t want to do, then that really is a step towards the Divine because we are trying to be happier and more at peace, the path to becoming more compassionate, and more of a divine vessel for light and love.

So, in setting boundaries, we set ourselves up to either be happy, or to be miserable and safe. I suppose the trick is to know the difference. And now we’re back to safety. Sometimes, I guess, since there is no way around having experiences where all of our boundaries may be tested, then we have to set the intent for ourselves that we set the boundaries that are the best for us and then hope for the best. And well, I suppose the truth is that the best is what each of us will get anyway, no matter how we go forward or what decisions we make – they are all the right choices.

I do work under the assumption that reality, as defined by books (I don’t know physics here, so I’m going with the simple definitions), is what you make of it. That each of us is a part of a larger piece and that piece, the soul, as we call it, chooses the life it wants to lead before it comes to this plane of existence, to Earth. And, as neutral beings of love (Universal Love Source Energy), then all manner of lifestyle and choice is a choice of love, a choice made without fear, without boundaries, for the experience. The boundaries come after we get here. So, in growth, we need to re-evaluate those boundaries on a regular basis and expand our definition of safety, or narrow it, depending on your outlook.

With Love and Light,
Jenn

Questions, comments? Email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca.

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