Category Archives: love

Final Frontier 3 – Revelation

I actually wrote this back in early November.  The “event” itself occurred back in October some time and I took my time in writing it out.  I had forgotten about it but it is significant.

The follow up to this is that I’ve lost a few pounds, I have started to be more active, I do feel better, and I am still grateful for my body, quirky as it is. I’ve also lost my taste for junk food.  AAck!!

Well,

Last night, I finally had THE revelation.  Well, I think it’s pretty significant anyway.  So, as the title indicates this is another in the EFT weight loss journey that I’m on, thanks to my friend.  It came rather suddenly as well but I was working on something else and it came down to it.

So, I had been asking a friend of mine what some of my blocks were (to romance, of course) and she mentioned, ” I keep getting that you don’t want to be seen naked”.    Well, yeah . ..  so? she make it sound like a bad thing.  Who, without a perfect body, does want to be seen.  Well, to be honest, i’ve just tried to ignore that little fact and since my body is my body, I can’t take a pill to make it magically different and I don’t want to wait until i’m perfect to have an intimate relationship (cause that ain’t NEVER going to happen). So, what to do?  How do I quickly get over my squeamishness and denial about my imperfect body so that this is not one of the blocks to my having a more romantic relationship or to anything else for that matter?

Well, in a blinding flash of insight (i really am slow sometimes – this time about 30 years slow) I thought – EFT!! It’s the fastest way to work through fears and doubts and I do mean fast – try it on something sometime that you think is insurmountable.  I have applied this on a couple of things and in the space of minutes i’ve had the realization of what the core issue was with the apparent issue and been able to overcome it.

Well, I did some tapping over the weekend, and did a bit more last night and last night as I was lying in bed, it came.  The revelation, of my lifetime, i’m sure, since I think so much of my identity is hooked in to my body (even though Ive denied it for years:

My body is my best friend; ever.  It has always been there for me.  It has never lied to me.  It communicates regularly with me.  It has always told me when there was something wrong.  It has protected me when I needed it to.  It has never failed me.

I can say this with confidence, that my body has never failed me even though I’ve been ill, been injured, injured myself, fought back and successfully stayed healthy no matter how much I have abused it (and I do love junk food!) and neglected it (i.e. no exercise) because I believe my physical state completely reflects my mental, spiritual and emotional state.  It is the mirror of my other aspects.  I believe in Louise Hay, when she says all physical symptoms are a reflection of other issues in your life (I’m paraphrasing here).  I have seen evidence of it continuously since I started looking at my physical state as a symptom of other things.  The most obvious of this type of reflection is one that we all know – when you look like a slob or don’t care for yourself, it generally indicates to others that perhaps you don’t have as much respect for yourself as you could (I’m not sure if Sunday pajama day counts in there . . . ), but i’m sure you catch my drift.

The tapping seems to have worked as today I feel great, my joints are moving a bit better (of  course the yoga and stretching Im doing may be helping with that) and hurt less, and i’m not afraid to look in the mirror (and I have really big mirrors in my bathroom – yes it’s a rental).

So,  my body is my best friend and I have to say, it is definitely time to start treating this particular friend with a great deal more respect, love, care, and gratitude.

So, thanks to my body, for always looking out for me.

With love and light,

Jenn

Acknowledgments and reference:

Louise Hay, You can Heal Your Life: a great book!

EFT: Emotional Freedom Technique, www.emofree.com

Any other questions or comments, please contact me at wyldvynes@gmail.com.  Thanks!

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Filed under Authentic, body, fearless, healing, love, Truth, wild vines

Where did my blankie go?

You know when you were a kid, and you reached a point in your childhood when you decided it was time to grow up and put away your blankie? That one thing that you always had with you, or kept in your bed, that kept you sane and stable when all around you seemed to be going mad because, well, first of all, everything was happening 3 feet higher than you, and sometimes there was yelling or crying or just loud noises or laughing, or people you didn’t know or, the classic, smelled funny?

Maybe you didn’t have one but I did. I remember when I put my blankie away the first time. And now I still have one – but it looks oddly like a stuffed animal . . . regardless, I realized this week that I have been neglecting a much needed blankie for me, and one that I hope is also providing hope and support to some of you out there. As soon as things were shifting around (such as my friends leaving, and me getting the dream job that I had been asking for), and moving forward, adn getting better, I dropped that blog/blankie like a hot potato.

So, shame on me – I am doing the best I can but I know that I can do better now. I do need to keep contributing to my blog, because, well, even if there isn’t anyone out there reading it, I need to express it somehow. Yes, that’s me, I’m all about the sharing . . . 😉

But seriously, in a manner of speaking, I forgot where I came from and I’m pretty sure that’s ok. Sometimes it’s good to do that, at least for a while, until you’re ready to go back and look at the dark times but I think, for me anyway, it’s important for to remember that this is here because the dark times cycle in and out, and transitions always occur, some easier than others (where are those margaritas??) but there will always be change. And now, there can always be blog . . .

I’m terrible at journaling.  I have journals started all over the place with the intent to get my stuff out and I haven’t always been keen on the blog scene because I’ve heard that many sites are just private diaries – not into reality shows, thanks, my own is pretty wild enough.  So, for my own sake, I need to blog, I guess, instead of journal. But I talk things out when I’m trying to figure things out:   I just start talking: “if this, then this” type-of-thing, kind of like brainstorming but with my voice rather than a pen, so at least this way, on a blog, I can still talk and mumble, but I’m not confusing the hell out of my roommate . . . and people might not think I’m quite so nuts. . . (well, that might not happen).

It’s all good. But for those of you who have put your blankie down, the thing that got you through the bad times . . . what do you need to remember about it? Do you need to let it go, do you need to know that you can let it go when you need to and stand on your own?  Do you need to realize that it is still a valuable tool and that you need to incorporate it into your everyday routine?

Hopefully you aren’t coping with your transitions with abuses, and if so, please ask for some help – there are many options out there, but we all find something to help us cope and to get through the tough times; but if you’ve gotten through, or are getting through, instead of running away at high speed from your (non-destructive) coping mechanism, what do you need to take from it? What did you learn from it? What can you share with others, from your own experience?

And then take those answers and lessons and resolutions and hold them up like the badges of honour that they are because we all need some way that’s positive and supportive to get through the tough times. Those mechanisms that keep us going forward in the rough times help us be the hero in each of our own stories.  And sometimes our story can help someone else be the hero in their own story or gives them hope about getting back into the light and back on path so  I  think it’s important to share when and how you’ve met your challenge.  And it let’s us all know that we’re not alone in the dark, ever.

And treat yourself with care; you are a limited edition, one-of-a-kind masterpiece and someone out there (if not many someones) really wants you to be around with them.

So, the blankie is on the wall now . . or is the blankie on the blog now . . .

With love and light,
Jenn

Qs or Cs? Email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca

Not sure how to move ahead or to start or finish a transition? EFT helped me a great deal and with many things and someone has probably tried using it on an issue similar to yours – they say to try it on everything; the manual is even free! Check out the website at http://www.emofree.com.
There are many resources out there to help you through any situation. Please take advantage of them. Hugs, jenn

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Fearless Inventory reveals Safety Girl

Have you ever heard the term “fearless inventory”? And no, I’m not talking about counting all those dust and cobweb-covered (ooh, the spiders!) cans in the back corner. It’s a term that has floated around for a while with different programs out there and it’s really both interesting and not a little unsettling.

As I recall, taking a “fearless inventory” means looking at all of your “stuff”, both your light “stuff” and your dark “stuff” (but mostly your dark “stuff”) without blinders on, without fooling yourself about it but also without judging yourself for it. It means looking at all that stuff and either fixing it or making reparations for it, then accepting it and making the effort and the commitment to not do it again and to move on and learn from it. It’s unsettling because it means admitting to yourself and sometimes others that you were wrong in your behaviour, in your belief and maybe even your boundaries. It may also mean looking at other events that occurred in your life that are painful and confusing and in looking at the boundaries that arose from those events. So, unsettling could be putting it mildly.

Taking this inventory, maybe not entirely, but certainly regarding some of my behaviours that I have been recently wallowing in, is what I’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks. I’ve been looking at them (my behaviours and habits) and looking at what I can do to make reparation for them and in the effort, grow as a person. This also has the added benefit of working towards making myself a clearer vessel both to channel energy for healing and readings but also to channel more positive things for myself (like a regular income) and to others. And i can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I can see changes in my behaviour and how things affect me but growth is an ever upward-spiraling event so we address different aspects of the same things over and over again, clearing our vibrational levels as we go through each experience again, and again. So, there is growth and change and it is sometimes faster than other times but it does happen even if we can’t seem to see movement – so again, back to unsettling, and so it should be. But there is growth and while you may not always be able to see it, others will and eventually you’ll feel the difference inside you when you make a decision about something and it’s a different decision that what you would have done before. This is redefining your boundaries and it comes from taking this “fearless inventory”.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s easy to talk about boundaries but sometimes it’s very difficult to figure out your own and to figure out when you need to set some and release others.

The stuff that I have been most recently trying to figure out is about why I’m so territorial, why other peoples’ noise bothers me so much, why the little things get to me, why I remember almost every slight ever done to me and why people on this earth are here to torment me (only slightly egocentric), or more specifically, what lesson is it that I am to learn from these experiences? As a “cancer” in the astrological show, my tendencies include being oversensitive and living in the past. So, we’re back to overcoming my nature and I’ve been trying to look at it objectively, being honest about it but not beating myself up about it (tapping (EFT) has been helping a lot here).

And I think I’ve figured it out, finally. At least, for me.

Those things, territoriality, annoyed by little things, they are about safety. It’s about having boundaries in a physical way (rules) when you don’t trust that you have the strength, or more likely, courage, to address those boundary issues at the time they actually arise. And in the past, I was not able to address some boundary issues so I suppose it makes sense. I was too shy, too embarrassed, too ashamed, etc, to speak to anyone about things or as I got older, but not necessarily calmer, I was too abrupt and rude about it because I was scared silly of saying anything at all so when I finally got the guts to say anything, I was so angry about it that I was out of control. And those rules seem to be pretty important to me. However, I’m trying to overcome those tendencies. Sometimes those rules can get pretty specific (kind of like French Grammar – like this but only for 3 things, and the rest of the time it’s like this) and are sometimes pretty random, as my roommate will certainly attest to.

But the other thought that comes with this business about boundaries and safety is that if we are working to live a more authentic life, to live more in tune with the Higher Self, more in tune with that part of us not affected by the human condition, then shouldn’t we be letting go of those things? Shouldn’t we be letting go of that need for safety? When it boils down to it, does the soul actually need safety? Does the soul really need boundaries?

I don’t think it does. I think the soul is perfectly safe, despite dire threats to the contrary by so many groups out there. Granted, it is bound to the human body (no offense to non-humans here) but I don’t think it needs the extra boundaries. It’s the human ego and the human condition that needs them. The soul just needs to remember what it is.

Supposedly, the lives we live here are ones of learning, of illusion, as some put it, and not of actual “reality” (let’s not get to existential right now). The reality is that the soul is completely connected to Source, and is a piece of the Divine, of Source and safety is a human condition construct, just as is our experience here, on this earth. So, as part of Source, can the soul be damaged? Can Source be damaged?

In the bigger picture, no, I don’t think Source can be damaged. Can you hurt God? Can you hurt the Universal Energy, the Universal Love, that only loves and accepts unconditionally?

Are boundaries necessary, though? As humans, oh, yes, I think so. It’s kind of a mixed bag though, isn’t it? On one hand, do we need to have boundaries if we are all a part of Source, but we are taught, and I think rightly so, that boundaries are necessary for self-respect, and other things. But are those boundaries actually helping us to get clearer? To get closer to the Divine? In deciding to say no to something we don’t want to do, then that really is a step towards the Divine because we are trying to be happier and more at peace, the path to becoming more compassionate, and more of a divine vessel for light and love.

So, in setting boundaries, we set ourselves up to either be happy, or to be miserable and safe. I suppose the trick is to know the difference. And now we’re back to safety. Sometimes, I guess, since there is no way around having experiences where all of our boundaries may be tested, then we have to set the intent for ourselves that we set the boundaries that are the best for us and then hope for the best. And well, I suppose the truth is that the best is what each of us will get anyway, no matter how we go forward or what decisions we make – they are all the right choices.

I do work under the assumption that reality, as defined by books (I don’t know physics here, so I’m going with the simple definitions), is what you make of it. That each of us is a part of a larger piece and that piece, the soul, as we call it, chooses the life it wants to lead before it comes to this plane of existence, to Earth. And, as neutral beings of love (Universal Love Source Energy), then all manner of lifestyle and choice is a choice of love, a choice made without fear, without boundaries, for the experience. The boundaries come after we get here. So, in growth, we need to re-evaluate those boundaries on a regular basis and expand our definition of safety, or narrow it, depending on your outlook.

With Love and Light,
Jenn

Questions, comments? Email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca.

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Filed under Authentic, fearless, healing, inventory, love, nature, safety

Nature

I was talking to a friend of mine yesterday, as we walked along Glenmore Reservoir alternately freezing our faces off and being too warm (cold wind, only 0 degrees out and warm sun, typical Calgary weather) and we got to talking about archetypes.

You’ve probably heard about archetypes: they are classifications in psychology, in astrology (what’s your sign?) as well as the Chinese signs (this is the year of the Ox); there are others out there as well, ones that I’m more familiar with like Carolyn Myss’ archetypes, as well as the archetypes of the Micheal System. I’m also developing a set of archetypes that my guides have been giving me a bit of an outline on.

By definition (thanks to Wikipedia) an archetype is a model of a person, personality, or behavior. In addition, there are 2 other classifications: a stereotype—a personality type observed multiple times, especially an oversimplification of such a type; and an epitome—personality type exemplified, especially the “greatest” such example.

We are all a variety of archetypes and we are often defined by those embodiments, whether we realize it or not. How often have you heard – oh that person is a {insert astrological sign here}, and that’s why they are like that.  Or this person is this way, etc because of this.

We are also born with what we call a nature, also called personality, a way that we do things. This is a fact:  we are born already imprinted with a basic outline, so somewhere along the way, someone decided to classify those personality traits and tendencies and give them a name. Notice how naming something gives it power? But to get back to archetypes . . .The evidence would certainly support the supposition that we are typecast before we even get started!

Sometimes that’s a good thing because as we are growing up we can get a clue as to why we’re like this or react that way. It’s our nature. It both defines and explains who we are and why we are. This can bring us some comfort but it can be used as a crutch, too, or as an excuse for bad behaviour.As an excuse for not trying to look at our stuff, for not valuing ourselves enough to love ourselves and look after ourselves.  It’s in my nature, that’s just the way I am, yada, yada.

In the growth process of becoming a “bigger” person, calmer, more detached (yes, we are talking about me), or more involved, more confident, more outgoing, etc we take what we were given, that basic outline that we started with at birth, that was shaped by the beliefs and habits of our parents, our families, our friends, our teachers, our Romans, etc and we try and overcome it.  But who we are today is different than who you were when you were born, n’est ce pas?

It’s like Amish friendship bread, you start with a base then throw other stuff into the mix (or you could start with the martini analogy too – start with an excellent vodka and go from there).  It sometimes turns out okay, sometimes needs a bit of tweaking, and sometimes needs to be changed completely.

So,  here’s the thinker.

In the process of becoming a clearer, greater person, of achieving that Christ/Buddha consciousness, do we really have to overcome our nature, our basic “I was born this way” nature? Or do we need to find our true nature, and come back to who we were as a baby because this is our true nature, by actually overcoming our programming, our extra recipe additions? Or, if you believe in past lives, that we carry stuff over from other lifetimes, is the nature we are really trying to get back to one that looks us in the face everyday, that of Divine Source?

This was the conundrum I was discussing with my friend. Is overcoming your nature the key to growth as a soul?

No, it’s not. We are all divine beings, a part of the Source, of God, of the Universal Energy or the Universal Love, the Universe, Allah, or Buddha? Therefore, our true nature is that of unconditional love, of Universal Love, of the Divine. So it’s not overcoming our nature that we have to do, it’s getting back to our nature by overcoming the programming, the archetypes, the extra mix in the drink, by distilling ourselves down (or up) to the vibration of Source.

Hmm, well, just a few things to filter out . . . 🙂
With love and light,
Jenn

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2012, Part 3

We were talking about 2012 (okay, I was talking) and what we could do to help balance the earth as she goes through her growth shifts and such (like weather changes) in the coming months and through the dreaded 2012 and that whole end of the world thing.

First I talked about the win-win of healing work (2012, Part 1) and how as a healer (as do other energy workers) working with a client, I set an intent for the healing session that the client moves out whatever “stuff” they have that no longer serves them, in a timely and gentle manner, and that the energy (Universal Love, Source, God, etc) that I draw through me in making the healing space for the client, helps the client do whatever is for their highest good. Also in there is the energy flow (Universal Love) through me as the healer that also benefits me and is used by my spirit and will for my highest good, and not at the cost of the client – sort of a secondary benefit.

I then talked about win-win-win (2012, Part 2), where in doing a healing and setting the intent for your client session, that you also set the intent that any extra energy (Universal Love) not used by the client, or yourself, be forwarded to Gaia, the Earth, for her to use for her highest good. I also emphasized only doing this if you felt comfortable and that it’s important not to compromise client care.

An alternative to that would be having a client session with Gaia as your primary client, thereby directing sending Universal / Unconditional Love Energy to her for her use. You could also pick a place on the planet and send energy directly there, setting the intent that the energy will shift and balance out anything not for Gaia’s highest good. Notice I didn’t say move out stuff – let’s not set the intent that she decides to move out people . . . although in setting the intent to balance out an area, that may be one of the results . . . who knows . . .).

So, focus on an area to balance to help smooth out and drastic shifts. Get a map of the world, or do some searching on CNN to find out where things are at unrest and work on that area.

Just a note: The reason why win-win-win would work and not compromise either yourself or your client, is that in my experience, I have very rarely been completely maxed out in energy flow by my client or my own needs. I have to date, been able to handle more energy than the client can draw through me. Therefore, since my capacity is greater than the client’s needs, any extra energy drawn through me can flow to me and to wherever I direct it. However, you need to do some soul searching and determine if that would work for you.

Now, the part where the non-healer, well, any and all humans really, comes in is here: be happy. Find things to do that make you happy (See posting Finding Your Truth, Jan 19/09). As the connectors between heaven and earth, between Earth and Source (Universal Love), we filter energy through us all the time without even realizing it. We are like the cilia (the sensory receptors and filters) for the planet.

So if we’re running energy through us everyday to the earth, and it’s been proven that positive thoughts have as much power as negative (although negative are more prevalent) and that positive thinking, visualization and acting can have incredible effects, doesn’t it make sense that if you have positive energy running through you, not only are you going to be happier and more positive and feel better about yourself but the earth will receive that positive vibe as well, thereby helping her heal and feel better about herself and all those parts attached to her (like us)? And we know the earth understands vibration – remember earthquakes?

So, we can all do this – do things that make us happy, and that translates to positive energy being sent to thers around us and to the earth as well. Believe me, although you may not realize it, you will be thankful for it in the end and the earth certainly can use all the good vibes she can get.

I hear the Beach Boys now , . . “I’m pickin’ up good vibrations . . . she’s sending me excitations . . .Good, good, good, good vibrations” . . .

With love and light,

Jenn

Questions or comments: email me at wyldvynes@yahoo.ca.

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Finding Your Truth: Accepting & Living it

I just posted about Finding your Truth (Jan 18/09) and in there I stated there are several aspects of getting to the living of your truth, of living an authentic life (Jan 5/09) including finding your truth, getting to your truth, accepting your truth and living your truth.

We mostly covered finding your truth and I listed some tools on how to do that.  Getting to it is sometimes a bit harder but those questions, what did you like as a kid, what comes naturally to you, what did you dream about, what would you do if you were guaranteed success, are pretty good to use to suss out what your turht is. And in retrospect, I think that part of one’s truth is just being happy. I’ll come back to that though.

Accepting your truth and living your truth are what we’re going to look at here. I’m no expert, as I’ve not done this for a lot of people, but I am trying to do it now for myself.  So that just makes me a reporter from the front line.

So, assuming you’ve done your questionnaire of life, how do you accept what it is you’ve discovered? Well, sometimes it’s easy, you just say, hey that’s right, those things do make me happy,  and start incorporating those things into your life and you may even move straight to living your truth and making a living out of it. But is the end goal of finding your truth mean making a living at it too? Is it your path? Not necessarily.

As a healer, I feel a calling towards doing that as much as possible but I also enjoy some of the more mundane things in life like layout design and administration and such (yeah, I’m a kicker, aren’t I) so I want to incorporate into my life as many things as I like to do. I’m personally heading for the whole package deal – trying to get a healing practice up and running – but there are other things I want to do as well with that. I have a lot of different interests that can be addressed, probably most easily with volunteer work, but at this point, I’m worrying about the equally mundane things such as paying the bills. So, I need to find a balance between doing my calling, or living my truth, and probably an everyday kind of job that can help to pay the bills a little more consistently than what I’ve got going on now.

The other thing about accepting your truth, is to not beat yourself up about it. One of the hardest things for me when I decided to quit my job was that I realized that I had spent 20 years trying to fit into someone else’s idea of a work utopia and putting other people, or more specifically, my idealized vision of those people on a pedestal (hello, parents, girlfriends, friends, boyfriends, bosses??).  Well, let it go and get over it.  You can put as many people on a pedestal as you want but eventually their humanity is going to disappoint you and that is your problem, not theirs.  The truth is that we are all human and somewhere along the way, we are going to be disappointed, or disappoint, because of our own expectations.

I’ve been really good at the pedestal thing;  I was always trying to put someone on a pedestal to use as a guide or a mentor. I think a lot of people are.  We just want someone we can look up to.   But I never found one and the truth is, there isn’t one.  Looking “up” at someone else means that you aren’t looking at yourself.  And the only person who should be on that pedestal is you because the only person you can compare yourself to and hold yourself accountable to is yourself.  Put the ideal you up there on that pedestal.  Yes, you’ll disappoint yourself sometimes (maybe) but your opinion of you is the only that counts. And trying to hold yourself accountable to Source doesn’t even matter because Source loves you no matter who you are or what you do 9yes, we have free will).  So, it’s only your own rules that you end up breaking, by believing, as they used to say, in false gods. And then you kick yourself again, in the end, because you ignored your instincts, and your happiness meter all those other times and stayed where you were and let someone else call be your ideal.

Well, now that you’ve toppled the pedestal, and are just looking at yourself in the mirror and wondering how you got lost, you can kick yourself for being so blind and put yourself down, or you can take what you’ve learned and help others around you see the lessons you’ve learned. Some will take that and some won’t. Most won’t. People generally want to learn things themselves and there is merit in that as it creates a sympathetic energy for that situation but take my word for it, kick yourself for 5 minutes, or if you really have to, a day, but then get over it. You are where you need to be. It takes time for truth and reality to percolate together and meet at the same place. For some it comes sooner than later. So, hug yourself, have your cry if you need to, then congratulate yourself for realizing that you’ve seen the light, and start moving toward incorporating your truth into your life and living it.

But do you have to make a career of your truth? No, I don’t think so. If you like your job but you want more happiness in your life, incorporate those things you like into your personal time.
if you want to make your truth your career, go for it. Make it work for you.
If you want to make your truth your career and you have no idea how to do it, well, welcome to my world.
First off, I wouldn’t suggest quitting your job unless you are really ready to, and I don’t mean financially. I quit with no net in place. I knew I’d get enough money from my job on leaving that would cover me for a month, but I really didn’t know how I was going to make ends meet; I just needed to get out. Just a thought though, don’t leave it that long. It’s a miserable process to paint yourself into a corner and have to get out screaming, so to speak.
Start looking around and see who else is doing what you want to do. And don’t worry about competition, just focus on 100% success, remember? I’ll talk about competition another time though.

So, to recap, accept your truth, and be grateful for the recognition of it. If you’ve been wandering around feeling that you were in that weird desert twilight zone place, thank the gods, or Source, that you’ve found the door out. Walk towards the door. Open it and step through to the light. Be grateful; did I say that already? It’s true. Be grateful for all that you do have and don’t bemoan what you don’t have. This will really help to get things moving forward rather than the whole kicking yourself thing (it gets painful and leaves bruises).

Then start bringing in those things that you love to do. See what else is out there, how can you bring yoru truth into your life and start by doing it a little bit each day. Start with once a week. Ideally, you want to be doing something that makes you happy all the time. And happy doesn’t always mean right now. There may be other underlying needs that factor into your happiness (regular paycheck, that one TV show that makes you laufh all the time, that person who is only around once in a while, sitting on the beach).
You don’t have to jump off the cliff right away; it’s not going anywhere. Do some planning, do some compromise if you need to, but get some happy in there.

With love and light,
Jenn

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Finding your Truth

A friend of mine made a comment about how now she just had to find her truth, after reading my posting on Living an Authentic Life (Jan 5/09) and then we later discussed it after I posted last week about Truth, Lies and Procrastination. I’m no expert but I am trying to follow my truth so if this helps you at all, then, fantastic.

When I first started this path of trying to find my truth and live it, it wasn’t that I didn’t have a clue at all about it. I did have some idea of what I liked and didn’t like (mostly didn’t like). I’d been doing healing for 6 years and knew that it was my path, and had also been doing readings for most of that time as well. I had tried other things over the years that hadn’t been quite right for me but that had interested me; mediation was one of the things that I tried and still strongly believe in. I even did it for a while with small claims court but got thrown off because I was unsuccessful (i.e. didn’t get the situations resolved) and felt that I was getting too involved in the parties’ issues and in their sheer stubbornness to even see the other person’s side or consider anything but their own view; I wasn’t quite neutral enough.

But I’ve also noticed that while I enjoyed doing whatever activity it was once I was actually doing it, whether doing a healing, a reading, writing or even cleaning the house, that I dreaded getting to it. I hated the work up or the lead up to the point of impact, so to speak. I hated that I had to drive somewhere and that I had to look nice and professional and that I couldn’t just be at home wrapped up in a good book. I still feel that way most of the time about the things I really like to do. But those feeling have nothing to do with the activity itself. The dread comes because I have to get out of my rut and put myself out there and be my truth, not just talk about it. As many of my friends (and not friends) know, I’m good with the talk. But the truth is, not matter how much truth you may know and be able to talk about, unless you’re living it, it’s not really true, is it? It’s just procrastination; where did I leave that crown?? (ref. Truth, Lies & Procrastination, Jan 15/09)

So there are several aspects here to look at: finding your truth, getting to your truth, accepting your truth, and living your truth. Let us start with the finding.

How did I find my truth, my bliss, my passions, you ask? Well, like most people, I would guess, by eliminating the things I didn’t like, to start with, but that isn’t really the best way to go at it. You’re approaching your truth, your joy, with negativity: what don’t I like about this situation and not what do I like about this. It’s a useful tool, don’t knock it, but look at what you do like too.

Now that I’m doing some of what I like, and I feel that I am getting some satisfaction out of what I am trying to do, I can look back and realize that I sort of went about it backwards, finding the things that I didn’t like, as most of us do. I realized that the things that I most enjoy now are the things that I most enjoyed doing as a kid, or a teenager, before the realities of living kicked in.

I used to love writing in school. Stories mostly but I could craft a pretty good essay as well. In university I was downright brilliant after I’d had a pint of beer at the local Irish pub (and after a couple of good editing sessions) when it came to my papers. I often felt inspired in my writing, even without the beer. I certainly feel inspired now but still need to do the editing part which I don’t so much enjoy. But I believe in sending out a message, so believe the extra time is worth it.

I read a lot as a kid and I still do.  I love sci-fi/fantasy, mostly fantasy, and spent every free moment I could sucking up what books I could find and re-reading the ones I really enjoyed. I dreamed of saving the world, using magic, just like all the heroes did in the epic stories I read. But I do actually do magic now, or it seems that way, with the energy work. Moving energy works with the same principles as those magic users did in those fantasy novels. The basics of physics were the same in those stories – for everything there is balance, and if you take something from one place, you need to replace it. So too with energy – nothing is created or destroyed, it just changes shape and moves. And what Energy healing does certainly seems like magic to me sometimes. I confess, I love romances too and now there are even romance stories that combine the alternate reality and romance aspects in them. As for the romance in my life, well, I’m still working on that but I am definitely open to it.

My mom tells me I used to fix everything. My sister or brother would break their toys (my toys??) and then I’d patiently put them back together again. I always tried to be the peacemaker with friends at school and i think even sometimes between my brother and sister at home. I still do this. I can see both sides of an issue most of the time.  How does this translate now?  The healing certainly looks to be fixing things, if in a different way. And I did study mediation.

I enjoyed being active – I played hockey and soccer; I loved skating, skiing, biking, hiking, canoeing, swimming and dancing but somehow never find the time to do those things anymore.

I used to play in a school band (alto sax and later baritone) and played the piano for years, until I went to university (Ottawa U) that is. It was kind of difficult to get a piano into my dorm room and the walk was long and the effort extensive to book time in a piano room and eventually the realities of life (school work, job, social stuff, no extra cash to buy a piano, no extra room to put in a piano) led to my not playing the piano anymore. I’m kind of sad about it because the piano is what kept me sane through high school; it was my therapy. I could use some piano therapy on a regular basis these days and I am realizing how much I miss it but again, I’m letting the realities get in the way.

I was teaching classes (in meteorology, granted) by the time I was 16, with Air Cadets. I even went to school to be a teacher. I sucked as a teacher (hated trying to motivate thirty 8-year-olds at 8 am). But I’m looking at teaching and coaching now. And I do enjoy it, now. After teacher’s college (and a stress breakdown) it made me nauseous to even walk into a classroom, so this is a good thing. Still don’t want to teach thirty 8-year-olds but that takes a special kind of person that I will never be.

I used to want to be an astronaut and a doctor. I knew what being an astronaut meant (Star Trek, here I come!) but the doctor part  – well, my parents were aiming high for me. But as a doctor, I could fix people, and I could go into space too! (Back in the early 80s, Sally Ride was the first non-pilot and woman to get on as shuttle crew.)   But I think I’ve done more good as a healer in the last few years, than I would have as a doctor but I also don’t think I’d be where I am, happy and getting clearer and happier, if I’d been a practitioner of traditional medicine. Plus there’s that whole having to pass calculus, physics and chemistry thing (which I didn’t do, thank God!) and I don’t have $100,000 in debt. So, really, I’m way ahead of the game here, the almost 20 years of feeling lost between university and when I started doing healing work notwithstanding.

As you can see, we do what we love as kids but as soon as we have to pay the bills ourselves or life gets in the way, we lose touch with those things. I don’t have kids, or a family here, I just have to worry about myself so it must be even harder to try and make time for the things you love when you have the extra people to consider. And that’s not to say that children don’t bring joy. They do, but they are people too and keeping them happy is sometimes even tougher. But are the realities really in the way? Or do we just use them as an excuse for not going out of our way, and doing something that we’re afraid we may not be any good at any more? Yes. For most of us, we let the realities shape our happiness.

Are the realities real though? Of course they are. Believe me, I know. I’m looking at trying to pay rent out of thin air here but again, I don’t have to support anyone else and I am managing to pay the bills and stay caught up. But some realities are more flexible than others, like your time. Do you really need to watch that game on TV or that TV series? Sometimes the answer is yes, you do, because you need the release and the escape but sometimes the answer is no. And while being tired is also valid, doing something you love is energizing too.

But finding your truth adn getting to it? Be honest with yourself first of all, but what I also realized is that it is really simple to find your truth, and possibly the basics of your path in life. What did you like to do as a kid, or younger person? What did you dream about? It might even be about what you found really easy to do, or what came naturally to you, becaue usually we also really like what is easy for us. And this is an even better question: if you were guaranteed 100% success and no obstacles, what would you be doing? What activity would you be pursuing? Remember, it’s 100% guaranteed. What would you do? (Thanks to Gary Craig, www.emofree.com, for that one).

Whatever the answers are to those questions are your truth and most likely your path.  Think about it.  Do you think the universal Source of love would be so cruel as to make your path hard for you?  Not likely.  If it’s your path, I imagine it would be something easy and fun that you found natural to do.  The hard part is overcoming the fear and the ego and the beliefs we carry that things have to be a certain way.

So, go write down all those things that made you happy, that you seem to just do naturally, that you dreamed about, and may still dream about and figure out a way to bring them in to your life.  It might be difficult but it will be worth it.

As for the rest of it, accepting and living your truth?   Well, sometimes that’s a little harder to put into action but I’ll tackle that one later this week and give you my perspective on it.

With Love and Light,

Jenn

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Filed under Authentic, healing, love, procrastinate, Truth