Finding your Truth

A friend of mine made a comment about how now she just had to find her truth, after reading my posting on Living an Authentic Life (Jan 5/09) and then we later discussed it after I posted last week about Truth, Lies and Procrastination. I’m no expert but I am trying to follow my truth so if this helps you at all, then, fantastic.

When I first started this path of trying to find my truth and live it, it wasn’t that I didn’t have a clue at all about it. I did have some idea of what I liked and didn’t like (mostly didn’t like). I’d been doing healing for 6 years and knew that it was my path, and had also been doing readings for most of that time as well. I had tried other things over the years that hadn’t been quite right for me but that had interested me; mediation was one of the things that I tried and still strongly believe in. I even did it for a while with small claims court but got thrown off because I was unsuccessful (i.e. didn’t get the situations resolved) and felt that I was getting too involved in the parties’ issues and in their sheer stubbornness to even see the other person’s side or consider anything but their own view; I wasn’t quite neutral enough.

But I’ve also noticed that while I enjoyed doing whatever activity it was once I was actually doing it, whether doing a healing, a reading, writing or even cleaning the house, that I dreaded getting to it. I hated the work up or the lead up to the point of impact, so to speak. I hated that I had to drive somewhere and that I had to look nice and professional and that I couldn’t just be at home wrapped up in a good book. I still feel that way most of the time about the things I really like to do. But those feeling have nothing to do with the activity itself. The dread comes because I have to get out of my rut and put myself out there and be my truth, not just talk about it. As many of my friends (and not friends) know, I’m good with the talk. But the truth is, not matter how much truth you may know and be able to talk about, unless you’re living it, it’s not really true, is it? It’s just procrastination; where did I leave that crown?? (ref. Truth, Lies & Procrastination, Jan 15/09)

So there are several aspects here to look at: finding your truth, getting to your truth, accepting your truth, and living your truth. Let us start with the finding.

How did I find my truth, my bliss, my passions, you ask? Well, like most people, I would guess, by eliminating the things I didn’t like, to start with, but that isn’t really the best way to go at it. You’re approaching your truth, your joy, with negativity: what don’t I like about this situation and not what do I like about this. It’s a useful tool, don’t knock it, but look at what you do like too.

Now that I’m doing some of what I like, and I feel that I am getting some satisfaction out of what I am trying to do, I can look back and realize that I sort of went about it backwards, finding the things that I didn’t like, as most of us do. I realized that the things that I most enjoy now are the things that I most enjoyed doing as a kid, or a teenager, before the realities of living kicked in.

I used to love writing in school. Stories mostly but I could craft a pretty good essay as well. In university I was downright brilliant after I’d had a pint of beer at the local Irish pub (and after a couple of good editing sessions) when it came to my papers. I often felt inspired in my writing, even without the beer. I certainly feel inspired now but still need to do the editing part which I don’t so much enjoy. But I believe in sending out a message, so believe the extra time is worth it.

I read a lot as a kid and I still do.  I love sci-fi/fantasy, mostly fantasy, and spent every free moment I could sucking up what books I could find and re-reading the ones I really enjoyed. I dreamed of saving the world, using magic, just like all the heroes did in the epic stories I read. But I do actually do magic now, or it seems that way, with the energy work. Moving energy works with the same principles as those magic users did in those fantasy novels. The basics of physics were the same in those stories – for everything there is balance, and if you take something from one place, you need to replace it. So too with energy – nothing is created or destroyed, it just changes shape and moves. And what Energy healing does certainly seems like magic to me sometimes. I confess, I love romances too and now there are even romance stories that combine the alternate reality and romance aspects in them. As for the romance in my life, well, I’m still working on that but I am definitely open to it.

My mom tells me I used to fix everything. My sister or brother would break their toys (my toys??) and then I’d patiently put them back together again. I always tried to be the peacemaker with friends at school and i think even sometimes between my brother and sister at home. I still do this. I can see both sides of an issue most of the time.  How does this translate now?  The healing certainly looks to be fixing things, if in a different way. And I did study mediation.

I enjoyed being active – I played hockey and soccer; I loved skating, skiing, biking, hiking, canoeing, swimming and dancing but somehow never find the time to do those things anymore.

I used to play in a school band (alto sax and later baritone) and played the piano for years, until I went to university (Ottawa U) that is. It was kind of difficult to get a piano into my dorm room and the walk was long and the effort extensive to book time in a piano room and eventually the realities of life (school work, job, social stuff, no extra cash to buy a piano, no extra room to put in a piano) led to my not playing the piano anymore. I’m kind of sad about it because the piano is what kept me sane through high school; it was my therapy. I could use some piano therapy on a regular basis these days and I am realizing how much I miss it but again, I’m letting the realities get in the way.

I was teaching classes (in meteorology, granted) by the time I was 16, with Air Cadets. I even went to school to be a teacher. I sucked as a teacher (hated trying to motivate thirty 8-year-olds at 8 am). But I’m looking at teaching and coaching now. And I do enjoy it, now. After teacher’s college (and a stress breakdown) it made me nauseous to even walk into a classroom, so this is a good thing. Still don’t want to teach thirty 8-year-olds but that takes a special kind of person that I will never be.

I used to want to be an astronaut and a doctor. I knew what being an astronaut meant (Star Trek, here I come!) but the doctor part  – well, my parents were aiming high for me. But as a doctor, I could fix people, and I could go into space too! (Back in the early 80s, Sally Ride was the first non-pilot and woman to get on as shuttle crew.)   But I think I’ve done more good as a healer in the last few years, than I would have as a doctor but I also don’t think I’d be where I am, happy and getting clearer and happier, if I’d been a practitioner of traditional medicine. Plus there’s that whole having to pass calculus, physics and chemistry thing (which I didn’t do, thank God!) and I don’t have $100,000 in debt. So, really, I’m way ahead of the game here, the almost 20 years of feeling lost between university and when I started doing healing work notwithstanding.

As you can see, we do what we love as kids but as soon as we have to pay the bills ourselves or life gets in the way, we lose touch with those things. I don’t have kids, or a family here, I just have to worry about myself so it must be even harder to try and make time for the things you love when you have the extra people to consider. And that’s not to say that children don’t bring joy. They do, but they are people too and keeping them happy is sometimes even tougher. But are the realities really in the way? Or do we just use them as an excuse for not going out of our way, and doing something that we’re afraid we may not be any good at any more? Yes. For most of us, we let the realities shape our happiness.

Are the realities real though? Of course they are. Believe me, I know. I’m looking at trying to pay rent out of thin air here but again, I don’t have to support anyone else and I am managing to pay the bills and stay caught up. But some realities are more flexible than others, like your time. Do you really need to watch that game on TV or that TV series? Sometimes the answer is yes, you do, because you need the release and the escape but sometimes the answer is no. And while being tired is also valid, doing something you love is energizing too.

But finding your truth adn getting to it? Be honest with yourself first of all, but what I also realized is that it is really simple to find your truth, and possibly the basics of your path in life. What did you like to do as a kid, or younger person? What did you dream about? It might even be about what you found really easy to do, or what came naturally to you, becaue usually we also really like what is easy for us. And this is an even better question: if you were guaranteed 100% success and no obstacles, what would you be doing? What activity would you be pursuing? Remember, it’s 100% guaranteed. What would you do? (Thanks to Gary Craig, www.emofree.com, for that one).

Whatever the answers are to those questions are your truth and most likely your path.  Think about it.  Do you think the universal Source of love would be so cruel as to make your path hard for you?  Not likely.  If it’s your path, I imagine it would be something easy and fun that you found natural to do.  The hard part is overcoming the fear and the ego and the beliefs we carry that things have to be a certain way.

So, go write down all those things that made you happy, that you seem to just do naturally, that you dreamed about, and may still dream about and figure out a way to bring them in to your life.  It might be difficult but it will be worth it.

As for the rest of it, accepting and living your truth?   Well, sometimes that’s a little harder to put into action but I’ll tackle that one later this week and give you my perspective on it.

With Love and Light,

Jenn

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Filed under Authentic, healing, love, procrastinate, Truth

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