All hail the Queen!! Yep, that’s me. I am the queen of Procrastination but luckily I usually have lots of company, don’t I? There are as many kingdoms of Procrastination to rule as there are people so each of us has our own little domain of avoidance and excuses.
Take this project for example. Six month ago I had no idea that I’d be trying to write articles or even considering trying to get paid for them (haven’t gotten there yet). However, when I did decide that I was going to start writing, it sort of came in spurts. At first I was going to write a story. I’m an admin temp and many of my jobs to date have been receptionist positions. This means that sometimes there is a lot of time for me to try and look busy, which I thought was perfect, because I could write during that time. Instead, I started reading Jane Austen online. Great site called The Literature Page. I would spend my time doing that in the afternoons after the daily stuff was done instead of writing my story and then I hatched the idea of starting a blog, and writing up my opinion on healing and some of the channelings I get from my guides. Seemed like an idea at the time. It took me a month to get a blog even started (November). Then it took me 2 weeks to write an intro. Then it took me another month to write an article, then another month to post in January about an authentic life, and then I just posted on Monday again. So, slowly I’m working up to posting regularly. I’m aiming for twice a week and I do want to start another blog about some of the stranger messages I get but haven’t gotten there yet, either. I figure I’m doing pretty well just by sitting my butt down and actually writing anything.
I do still want to write a story (have one started but am writing by hand) and look, I’m still managing to procrastinate!!! I’ve blabbered on about how I got here, not about the actual topic. So, to business…
Truth, lies and procrastination is about the truth we avoid, the lies we tell ourselves to avoid it and what we do in between: procrastinate.
We clean the house, or do the filing, or catch up on our reading or do dishes, etc to avoid what we’ve said we’ll do. My classic is to clean up my clutter, because then I can work better. True. But I’d probably work better if I just sat down, ignored what was going around me, and just wrote. Also true, as today proves. (My desk is a mess!)
Procrastination happens when we agree (by nature of showing up at work, or to ourselves) to take on a task and tell whomever (others, ourselves, our friends, etc) that we’ll do it and do it in a certain amount of time. It starts off pretty innocently: oh, I have to finish this project first, I have to clean the house, do the filing, catch up on the magazines, clean the garage, yada, yada, yada, and then we’re up against a wall and either we sit down and get it done (usually when motivated by external circumstances) or we don’t do it at all (usually when we’ve only made the commitment to ourselves, friends or family) or we do it so far down the road that it doesn’t really matter anymore. Either way, we lie about it. We paint ourselves into a corner because we don’t want to actually do the task that we agreed to do. We lie to ourselves, and to other people, but mostly to ourselves. And why? Well, this is where the truth comes in.
Truth is actually subjective . . . and absolute. The problem is, no one actually knows the absolute truth, unless a third detached party can make observations without judgment, read God, or Source. Truth is based on what we think we know, what we think we see and what we believe. Where truth, lies and procrastination meet is when we believe that we won’t succeed, or will succeed or in the success, something bad will come of it. Something like more work, too much attention, not enough attention, mocking laughter, disappointment the next time because you didn’t do it as well as the last, or that you can’t do it again, etc. These “truths” and lies are based on previous experience, either in this life, with past lives weighing it, or because that’s what someone whom we trusted told us it was true. And sometimes the person we trusted who told us the “truth” is ourselves. In fact, most of the time, it is ourselves from whom we receive those “truths” because our fear creates them or underlies them or emphasizes them; our fear of not being loved, of not being enough, or of being hurt.
And are they true? Sometimes, yes, they are. For example, gravity exists, but other times … it’s only true if we believe it is. We are only failures if we believe we are, not because someone else said we were. So, we lie, to make it less scary so we don’t have to go out on a limb and actually test the truth or throw our reality into chaos.
I don’t think I’m a bad writer. I think I have a style that won’t appeal to everyone but it took me over 20 years to come back to writing, something I loved to do as a young un’ and that I was good at whenever I did it. (Ok, if you think I’m bad, please don’t let me know right now). I wanted to be a writer for a living. And now, here I am. I’m not doing it full time, but I am writing and I love it, and hate it (there’s that procrastination bug), but mostly love it.
So why did I procrastinate? What are the lies I told myself? No one cares, it won’t make a difference, no one will ever read it (well, so far, true, as I haven’t told more than 5 people about the blog). What was the truth I was avoiding? No one wanted to hear my opinion, my thoughts, my view, my imagination, etc. . . . Well, maybe people don’t but I was charged with a greater purpose – I have a need to help save the world (I think I mentioned this previously) so this is one way for me to try – to help others with my own stories of how I get through, and frankly, I have a big mouth. But in procrastinating, I only hurt myself more. I let my fear control my life and I lied to myself, saying yes, I will do this today, then I didn’t do it today, or the next day, or the next, until a whole month or two went by. And are those fears still there? Well, yeah, I’m human aren’t I? The courage comes and the real, or the absolute Truth comes when you over come your fear and stand in the light of your joy and let your light shine.
And procrastination? Bah, I speet in zee face of procrastination . . . well, I’ll take it a day at a time, sometimes a moment at a time and every time I get the urge to clean the bathroom instead of writing something, I’ll stop and look at myself (maybe even in an actual mirror, ‘cause I’m kinda cute) and look at my stuff, and say, why? Why am I avoiding doing what I really want to? And I will take a deep breath and look myself in those pretty blues and say, I’m not giving in to my fear. I’m going to let go of the outcome, and I’m going to do what I really enjoy doing and what will be, will be.
So, look at your truth, and the lies you tell yourself, and what is making you procrastinate. If you can’t find what you love, at least acknowledge what you don’t love. I’ll write up a few things that may help you to find the things you love. And don’t be so hard on yourself. You got this far, didn’t you?
With Love and Light,
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