No, I’m not going anywhere but it has been a long few weeks for me. I’ve certainly been in transition since the beginning of the month. That full moon just before Easter, then Easter itself (the Rising), and now the removal of my best friends to Northern Ontario, of all places. Of course, there is the spring clearing as well, and all that astrology stuff about age of Capricorn (an astrologer associate of mine assure me Cap is running the back stage). And, of course, there’s my Guides and Angels telling me that it’s time for living an authentic life, which means going through all that illusionary stuff that keeps us in our fantasy worlds and bringing it out into the light, and letting it go. Yes, Virginia, transition is here to stay.
So, overall, tough times for all, not just for me. And as much as I’ve been writing about it, I know there are lots of things (read “stuff”) that I still need to clear out and address. I’m realizing that for me, a lot of it comes down to spending; spending money, spending energy, spending calories, spending time. Sometimes the spending translates to investment, sometimes to waste, sometimes just for the sheer joy or pleasure of it (not many would be unwilling to spend some calories and time on a good piece of chocolate). But all of that spending, if not for a need or for something I love, translates to a different kind of opportunity for me to grow – one where I can look at what motivates me and to find those points of stress and release them, thus transitioning.
This isn’t really a new thing – this transitional process. We are always in it, Whether we want to be or not, but sometimes the leaps are greater than at other times. This is one of those leaps for me, I think (realizing about the spending), and I have my friends to thank for it – the friends that are moving away that is. Let’s call them Stella and George, for now.
S & G are very close to me and they are who I have spent my holiday dinners with, so for me, they are family, as my real family is far away. So, holidays are going to be not as much fun as they used to be, or at least will be much more interesting than they used to be (I do have other friends I can spend holidays with, but they have more family too). S & G only had their immediate family here – themselves and their kids. Stella has a sister in the area too and they spent some of their time with us for holidays but sometimes not.
But it’s their leaving, and the giant gap that they’ve left – at least in my life – that has me so bummed out and stressing this transition. And the truth is, this move is good for all of us – not just for Stella and George – they are going to N. Ont because her family is there and they can have some family support, living is more affordable and there are some opportunities out there for them that they can’t quite get here, like affordable daycare. (insert plug for subsidized, or cheaper, daycare, here).
And it’s good for me too. I spent a lot of time at their place, and had some bad habits when I was going there. For example, I would go by the grocery deli and pick up greasy wings for dinner, but also crunchy veggies and dip. So, mixed snack bag there. But I am also looking at how I’ve been spending my time – so in one way, while I will miss them a great deal (they’ve gone to Northern Ontario!!) I know that it will mean that there are other things that I can take up because I will be looking for something to make up the time that I used to spend there. But, also, it’s leaving a bit of a hole for me to fill emotionally. I won’t be able to just go and flop on their couch and whine about whatever when I get the urge (Stella is very patient with me) but that’s not a bad thing.
Yes, we all need to let it out but sometimes we get caught up in our own cycle of negativity – but if there’s no one to bitch to, doesn’t that mean we get over it sooner? There’s something here about trees in the forest but I just can’t quite get it . . . Oh, if there’s no one to bitch to, is there anyone to hear it? Or is it, if there’s no one to hear you bitch, it’s not real?? If a tree falls in a forest, but no one hears it, does that mean it really happened? well, the answer is yes, but I’m sure the tree is not bemoaning its fate. All things pass on . .
It’s a bit convoluted but you get the drift. Instead of wallowing, and then having someone re-inforce the wallowing, you do get over it faster.
I think, I hope. I guess it all depends on if you want to get over it. And I do.
So, to transitions. Making way for the new, often not by choice; but, sometimes that’s where it gets interesting. I’m one of those, or was; I preferred to be pushed into transitions by circumstances beyond my control. Now, I’m not so sanguine. I like looking ahead and taking control of those transitions and have started taking the reins and making my choices, or at least considering my choices ahead of time. I’m still not jumping off the deck too quickly yet into those choices but I’m looking ahead to those transitions and looking forward to them (some of them) and I do believe that I’m doing the best I can at the moment. You’re probably doing your best, too, so don’t be too hard on yourself.
So, here’s to spending more time out on the deck this summer and maybe getting some grass stains out there in the real world – and don’t forget the margaritas!! (I’m sure that will help some with the grass stains . . . hehe) . . . .
With Love and light,
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